We try so hard to fit in at family gatherings. We do our best, yet we end up feeling disconnected, misunderstood, and left out when what we most want is belonging and connection.

My neurodivergent kid is now a teen. Over the years, I’ve figured out a few things that have saved me during the holidays. I share them with you so that they might save you some agony as you navigate and potentially redefine your family’s holiday traditions.

How to Survive the Holidays: A Guide for Neurodivergent Families

1. Ditch the guilt.

I used to feel guilty about not being able to do the holidays “right.” But guilt didn’t help me at all, and it won’t help you. You’re doing the absolute best you can, and that’s more than enough!

I had to stop agonizing over homemade gifts and mailing out custom photo cards with personalized letters that detailed the year’s achievements. We now skip the family photos in front of our tree, and we happily share some hilarious snapshots of our kid (and us) having a good time instead.

[Get This Free Download: Your Free Holiday Survival Kit]

I used to beat myself up for not baking cookies, not having a perfectly decorated home, and not organizing every holiday activity. But I didn’t even enjoy doing many of these activities! I’ve learned that it’s OK to let go of the expectations I thought I had to meet. My kid is happy with a few select traditions, and he’s happiest when I’m not freaking out about making things perfect. Perfectionism is the thief of joy.

2. Redefine normal.

What does a “normal” holiday gathering look like, anyway? Is it perfectly cooked meals? A perfectly behaved family? Or is it a cozy night in, playing board games and watching a favorite movie?

Our holiday activities have evolved over time, and today we enjoy a low-key celebration with just our immediate family. We’ve also been known to skip traditional Christmas dinner and opt for Chinese food and a favorite movie (Elf). We may find a nearby hotel with a heated pool. Why not? We’ve created our own rituals that work for our family.

3. Communicate openly with family and friends.

While it’s never easy, things are a lot smoother when everyone is on the same page in advance. We’ve learned to be upfront about our family’s needs and limitations. We set boundaries and request relaxed expectations for manners and mealtimes. One year at a holiday gathering, I explained my goals to our host (enjoy my meal and have a pleasant conversation). I also decided to take my son’s chair away entirely. At that age he rarely sat to eat, anyway. I asked the other adults to ignore what (and how) he was eating. We had a backup plan (kiddie movie) but we didn’t need it. That was the first year he actually ate some of his dinner and participated in the conversation!

[Related Reading: Bring This Article to Your Next Family Gathering]

Long goodbyes are a thing in my extended family, but sometimes we make a run for it (and explain later) because my child desperately needs a break.

When I start to feel ‘othered’ during the holidays, I try to remember that everyone does well when they can. This also applies to my extended family members, who aren’t always as aware of neurodiversity and inclusion as I am – but they can learn!

4. Minimize sensory overload as much as possible.

While we can’t take our hammock swing or trampoline with us when we visit family, we can take noise-canceling headphones, weighted blankets, and fidgets. Being neurodivergent myself, I need to minimize noise, bright lights, and strong smells – or I feel stress on top of my stress! I also can only handle so much small talk, so I’m the first to volunteer to walk a dog or take the kids to the playground. That way, we all get fresh air, and we get to swing, jump, and climb!

5. Plan ahead but embrace flexibility.

We try to think ahead of possible tricky scenarios and have an exit plan. We check in with each other during the event and we make sure to schedule plenty of downtime later. We’ve also learned to adjust our plans based on how intense the gathering feels.

6. Practice radical self-care.

This holiday season, I urge you to prioritize self-care so you can be the best parent you can be.

For me, self-care looks like…

• …a spontaneous kitchen dance party with our whole extended family
• …a quick walk around the block
• …a podcast while cleaning up
• …or a few minutes of journaling.

If a certain activity or event is going to be too stressful, I’ve learned it is better to just say no. Self-care might also mean setting boundaries with family and friends (and not skipping my therapy appointment if I can help it).

I’ve also learned the power of taking turns with my partner. When each of us has some time to recharge, holiday trips and events go more smoothly.

7. Focus on what matters most.

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about my core values and priorities. It’s important for me to spend time with loved ones, create joyful memories, and practice gratitude. What’s not as important for me during the holidays is to check off a list of tasks. I don’t want to race around and pack my family’s days. I want to allow space for wonder. How about you – what do you value? What ‘shoulds’ will you say no to?

No matter your answers, may this holiday season go smoothly for your neurodiverse family.

Getting Through the Holidays: Next Steps

• Read: Minimize Holiday Havoc with These ADHD-Friendly Strategies
• Read: “My Christmas Meltdown – A Yearly Holiday Tradition”
• Q: “How Do We Avoid Family Drama and ADHD Ignorance This Holiday Season?”
• Watch: “Family Ties – Managing and Advocating for Your Child with ADHD in the Extended Family”

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Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

The lag in her social skills — not uncommon among individuals with ADHD — made for rough going during her first semester in college. She started strong in planned group activities but floundered once they ended. A bout with COVID and the stress of a rigorous course load compounded her isolation, and by the time Willa came home for winter break, she was pretty miserable.

Something had to change. I couldn’t bear to see my sweet kid so unhappy at her first-choice college, a perfect-for-her place full of like-minded kids who could be her besties.

Why Friendships Are Hard to Foster

Follow-through was the primary issue for Willa. She’d enjoy lunch with a group but lose track of where they’d head next. She’d have a great conversation with someone but fail to get their name or number. Or she’d let weeks go by without reaching out to a cool kid she’d met. She was constantly starting back at square one, which was exhausting and nerve-wracking.

What Willa needed was continuity — the opportunity to build on new connections so they could blossom into nourishing relationships in which she felt at ease. So I came up with a plan – a game I call Friendship Bingo.

[Get This Free Download: The ADHD Guide to Making Friends]

Friendship Bingo, Explained

Willa and I made a list of potential friends she had met during the first semester. Her mission for the next semester was to find various ways to connect with each of them several times over a week, from dinners and walks back from class to study sessions. The idea was that stacking multiple interactions with someone within a short span of time would make Willa feel solid enough to relax and be her charming self.

We aimed for three outside-of-class-or-club interactions per week. Two could be dining hall meals, the easiest opportunity for hanging out, but one had to be something else — anything unstructured and social. And we agreed that, over the course of several weeks, Willa would try this with different people, to give herself options in case she didn’t vibe with someone.

The “bingo card” she ended up with looked something like this:

Friend	Week 1, Meal 1	Week 1, Meal 2	Other Hangout	Bonus Hangouts
Hannah
Finn
Isobel			!	!
Tye			!	!
Summer

The chart appealed to Willa’s love of spreadsheets and data and made it easy to see and celebrate wins. It also made it clear with whom Willa was undeniably becoming real friends.

In Willa’s Words: Friendship Bingo Works

I was initially doubtful about Friendship Bingo. I was anxious about “failing” the goals and uncertain I would make progress. But I was proven wrong – it was amazing how quickly Friendship Bingo showed meaningful results.

[Read: Making Friends in College – a Buddy System]

1. Most People Say Yes

I started small, texting people and asking if they wanted to eat together. Sometimes they responded, “Sorry, I have other plans” or, “Sorry, I have homework,” and I had to work to reel my rejection-sensitive brain back from “THEY HATE ME.” But more often than not, people said yes, and that felt good! And the more meals I ate with different groups, the better I was able to determine who I enjoyed spending time with.

2. My Social Battery Doesn’t Deplete So Fast

Most importantly, Friendship Bingo helped me expand my capacity for socializing. The game encourages constant practice, which made socializing feel more natural, as I was able to spend longer periods with people without feeling tired or overstimulated.

3. Making Friends Doesn’t Feel Like a Mystery Anymore

Friendship Bingo was a stroke of genius because it hit on two things that are crucial for me: 1) specific goals, and 2) a gamified system to help me reach those goals. The game demystified friendships for me, making the process feel less like a mysterious labyrinth to navigate and more like a formula of repeated (but manageable) social encounters and effort that I could track.

The real breakthrough came a few weeks into the game, when I went to brunch with two people with whom I’d been regularly hanging out One of them mentioned visiting the woods behind the school, and I spontaneously went along! After that, we made our way into town for bubble tea, where another friend joined, and we all stopped by a comic book store before heading back to campus. It was a solid half-day of unplanned, unstructured social time, the longest I’d had since starting college. And it felt incredible.

Those three people I spent that successful day with went on to become my best friends. We eat dinner together regularly, text each other over school breaks, have a standing Dungeons & Dragons campaign, and cheer each other up when we’re stressed. It’s made a world of difference to my confidence and happiness to have these close friendships.

How to Make Friends in College: Next Steps

• Get This Free Download: Become a Small-Talk Superstar
• Read: The College Survival Guide for Students with ADHD
• Read: The Art of Forming Friendships

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It’s a question I throw at the end of coaching sessions with my clients. I stole the question from the Coursera version of Yale’s most popular class ever, “The Science of Well-Being,” led by Laurie Santos, Ph.D. In this course, you’re tasked with writing down the things for which you’re grateful every day for a week.

Why Is Gratitude Important

The idea is two-fold. One, it breaks you out of negativity traps by training you to focus on and acknowledge the real good in your life, which helps you develop a positive outlook. Two, if you recall the things you’re grateful for in detail, your brain thinks it’s experiencing them again — so you’ll have multitudes of goodness in you.

[Read: ADHD and the Power of Positive Thinking]

Gratitude is an essential practice for those of us with ADHD, as we often harbor a nagging assumption that we’re less than. The extended logic is that because we are less than, we must have crappy lives – a self-defeating cycle that doesn’t make our lives any easier.

But we’re not less than. Our lives are full of beauty that we often don’t acknowledge. Noting the good around us and within us is a type of reality check that sparks awareness, acceptance, balance, and happiness.

If you’re looking for ways to practice gratitude in your life, try this fun exercise with friends and family. Propose that everyone join in on this gratitude game at your next gathering.

How to Practice Gratitude: A Group Gratitude Exercise

1. Gather a group of people together — around the Thanksgiving table, in the living room, at the beach, in the car during a long drive. Whatever works.

[Read: For to Log Daily Victories for Your Family]

2. Take turns answering the following questions.

• What’s one thing you’re grateful for in your life? (This could be your whole life or just this past week.)
• What are you grateful for about each person in this group?
• What are you grateful for about yourself?
• What are you grateful for about the natural world?
• What was your favorite answer that each person gave?

Each person should take the time they need to formulate an answer and should wait for others to formulate theirs. Go where your heart leads and have fun with it. Be chill. (I view this exercise as a game, though this is very different from the cutthroat card tournaments I played with my extended family growing up, where being chill was never an asset.) Beyond this one-time activity, make gratitude a daily practice in your life. Challenge yourself, in particular, to reflect on the positive aspects of your neurodivergence.

How to Practice Gratitude: Next Steps

• Free Download: Bonding Activity Ideas for ADHD Families
• Read: The Key to ADHD Emotional Regulation? Cultivating Gratitude, Pride & Compassion
• Read: “The ADHD Characteristics I’m Most Thankful for Are…”

SUPPORT ADDITUDE
Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

My 9-year-old son has always been a firework, from the very second of his surprise existence. If my pregnancy test could have displayed two zigzags instead of straight lines, it would have.

He has never followed the path well-trodden. Instead, he has swung from the trees shadowing its path, spinning and tumbling over it like a Ferris wheel free from its hinges. His brain is always busy. It darts and daydreams and never tells him to sit, breathe, and just be.

“I was the same as him when I was a kid,” my husband would say. “He’s just a little boy.”

He often spoke of marked similarities between them, and we thought our son had simply inherited a huge slice of his father’s personality. That this was just “them.” So we attributed his behaviors to that – a child who was beautifully energetic. If he wasn’t spinning or cartwheeling, he was singing or asking questions or making funny little noises. The only time he really rested was when he slept, when dreams took over and his compulsion to “fizz,” as he calls it, quelled.

Father and Son: Drawing ADHD Parallels

Analyzing my child’s behavior, helicoptering his nuances and traits, and researching “ADHD in children” until there was nothing left to Google came easy. Turning the lens to my husband, on the other hand, was trickier.

My husband flitted from job to job, struggled to prioritize, became easily frustrated with any task, and was unfocused. But we had gone through a fair chunk of sadness in the last few years — the death of one of our other sons, the loss of parents, our 9-year-old’s meningitis battle when he was a baby. I put my husband’s erratic nature down to stress and trauma.

[Read: “Let Me Tell You How ADHD Runs in My Family”]

All the while, the phone calls from my son’s exasperated teacher mounted, as did the sense that my son’s behaviors in school and at home were indicative of something bigger.

My mother-in-law was a special education teacher for many years. The more I called her to analyze my little boy’s behavior, the more parallels she’d draw between him and my husband. Eventually, the constant joke that they were two peas in a pod became a lightbulb moment for me. I made an appointment with an ADHD specialist – for my son and husband. Sure enough, after a careful evaluation, the specialist diagnosed both of them with ADHD in the same appointment. Their test scores were practically identical, she noted.

Like Father, Like Son

“How do you feel?” the specialist asked my son. She sat next to him on the floor as he clicked LEGOs together and bounced on his knees.

“Exhausted” he said. And my heart sank. Exhausted by trying to concentrate in school and being told off constantly, exhausted by coming home to homework cajoling, exhausted for being reprimanded for his impatience and other behaviors at the outskirts of his control.

[Read: “My ADHD Family Tree — Three Generations of Neurodivergence Revealed”]

I saw my husband’s face crumble a little as he knew that feeling all too well. And I realized that, as a wife and mother, I had failed them. To me, their behaviors were annoying, frustrating, and sometimes inexplicable. I had often said to my son, “Why is it always you? Why are you the one who always gets into trouble?” I sometimes dreamed of an easier marriage to a man who would stick at a job or for a man who would actually listen to me. I had no idea what either of them were going through. It was an incredibly emotional day for everyone.

We walked out of the specialist’s room with a deeper understanding of each other and a feeling that we can all start to be our truer selves.

Our ADHD Family

We’ve only recently entered the neurodivergent universe. We’re perched on a circling satellite looking into a place where words like “disorder,” “impulsivity,” and “disorganization” zoom by. But it’s other zooming words that captivate us — “spontaneity,” “creativity,” “courage.” We are going to run with these as fast as we can.

We’re not alone in entering this universe. We see many other families embarking on this journey, too. Some days we think we have a firm grasp on ADHD – and some days we don’t. And that’s OK, because all we can do is buckle up so the twists and turns don’t jolt the ones we love quite so much.

I would not change my son or husband for anything. We’ll bundle up all of the positives and challenges, stick them into our family jetpack, and navigate the steps, bounces, stumbles, and freefalls of this shared diagnosis together.

ADHD Family Ties: Next Steps

• Get This Free Download: ADHD Empowerment Month Calendar
• Read: 5 Ways to Build Bonds – A Guide for ADHD Dads
• Read: Helping Your Kids Find the “Awesome” in ADHD

SUPPORT ADDITUDE
Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

“ADHD creativity is natural in a brain that works uniquely,” says Kathleen, an ADDitude reader from Arizona who has had a prolific career creating model horses produced in resin for companies such as Breyer/Reeves International, Hartland Collectables, and Safari.

Michelle, an ADDitude reader from Mississippi, uses creative thinking daily as a professional writer, photographer, and graphic designer. “ADHD allows me to see the world differently, offer a fresh perspective, and connect ideas others miss,” she says.

“We light up the room with our sparkles,” says Sam, an ADDitude reader from the U.K. “I believe my ADHD helps me see the world in a kaleidoscope of color. I have a vivid imagination, which enables me to be creative. I can give the most amazing descriptions of things so other people can almost see, touch, and taste them. I love writing, drawing, creating music, dancing, and singing.”

[Download: Need Help Finding Your Passion? Use This ADHD “Brain Blueprint”

ADHD Traits That Foster Creativity

Some ADDitude readers credit the ADHD trait of hyperfocus with nurturing their creativity professionally and personally.

“Developing the skill of hyper-concentration makes it so I can practice and then play the piano longer and better,” says Anastasia from Nevada.

Hyperfocus enabled Mia, from New York, to excel as a student journalist “despite the strange and long hours required.”

Others say their creativity stems from insatiable curiosity, distinct viewpoints, and the ability to see obscure connections and solutions.

“ADHD has been a driving force behind my creating unique, fun, and inspiring wellness events,” says Jo from Australia. “I attribute much of the success of these retreats to the creative energy and problem-solving abilities that come with ADHD. It’s not just about being different; it’s about harnessing that difference to make something truly special. ADHD helps me see opportunities where others might see obstacles and turn them into unique and transformative experiences.”

Read on to learn about the creative successes that ADDitude readers ascribe to their (or their child’s) ADHD brain, and how they encourage their creative thinking to blossom.

[Self-Test: ADHD Test for Adults]

ADHD Creativity Is… Expressive

“I attribute my son’s writing ability and creativity to ADHD. He was able to complete two books and have them published by age 12!” — Carin, Ohio

“I wrote a newspaper column for 15 years about different aspects of my life that I thought were interesting or funny.” — Jen, Canada

“In the middle of COVID, I switched careers to become a writer. My ADHD gave me the creativity, the courage, and the tools to do it. Since then, I’ve published two children’s chapter books, which are loosely based on my life from childhood growing up with undiagnosed ADHD.” — Heidi, Washington

“I’ve written books, flash fiction, and poetry. I definitely attribute my ability to easily come up with imaginary stories or find new ways to describe things to my ADHD.” — Felicia

“When my daughter was in kindergarten, her teacher explained that it was hard for her to focus on her work because she was always paying attention to what the other kids were doing. Years later, she became an amazing writer. One of the things that makes her writing so compelling is her ability to describe characters and stories in detail. I think this ability comes from a lifetime of constantly observing people and details around her.” — Katie, Maryland

ADHD Creativity Is… Making Unexpected Connections

“At age 12, I learned how to play chess. When I was 14, I won my first of several tournaments. I didn’t understand why I saw upcoming sequences that others could not — I assumed they weren’t trying. It wasn’t until I was in my 40s that a college president explained there was something about me that allowed me to see things others didn’t.” — John, Illinois

“In the engineering world, I can find creative solutions quickly by making uncommon connections in my head and working them out on the whiteboard with my employees.” — Celtic, Florida

“I am an engineer with ADHD, and I have invented several novel environmental technologies and have the patents to show for it.” — Victor, Mississippi

“As a psychotherapist, I see connections between things in my patients’ lives and internal narratives. I can articulate these insights, often in visual metaphors, in ways that immediately put my patients at ease. I credit my ADHD with giving me this expansive access to my mind and heart and the ability to connect powerfully with my patients in ways that help them let go of their suffering.” — Jennifer, Massachusetts

ADHD Creativity Is… Clarifying

“My son has a unique eye for street life. His ADHD has enabled him to capture people uniquely through his photography.” — Sara, New Hampshire

“When I take photos, I can see the picture in my mind. I often take close-up shots of nature with people saying, ‘What is that? It’s really beautiful or interesting, but I can’t tell what it is.’ Then, they are amazed to discover it’s just water photographed differently.” — Gina, Kentucky 

“My son takes the most amazing photographs. We can be looking at the same things, but he sees it in a different light and can capture that moment on film.” — Robin, Colorado

ADHD Creativity Is… Melodic

“My daughter always tapped and jiggled her legs and had to move all the time. I had her bang on pan lids and wooden spoons as a toddler. This evolved into her becoming a drummer. People with ADHD can make awesome drummers. The rhythm soothes mental restlessness, and the physical energy needed to play calms hyperactivity.” — Andrea, U.K.

“I could never read music because of my dyslexia, but I discovered I have an ear for it. My ADHD gave me the hyperfocus to teach myself how to play piano, drums, and guitar when music lessons failed me.” — Kerry, New Jersey

“I was a professional musician for 23 years and produced and released a CD/album of original music.” — Julia, Oregon

“My ADHD allows me to write and create music that emotionally resonates with others. I would not be as good a musician without it.” — Emma, Scotland

“I arrange and write music, and I intrinsically understand the mathematical aspects of it but could never explain it.” — Jennifer, Utah

“I’m currently finishing my 6th album, ‘Neurodivergent.’ Not only did I explore new musical territories, but I experimented with A.I. videos to build narratives around the songs. This track is very ADHD to me.” — Jon, Surrey, U.K.

ADHD Creativity Is… Well Designed

“I taught myself how to use multiple graphic design programs because I was determined to fix tiny photo errors, make my blog perfect, and have the best syllabus for a class I was teaching.” — Ted, California

“I make handmade birthday cards. It’s a great creative outlet, and I actually use the craft supplies I’ve hoarded over many years.” — Yvette, Canada

“I love design — making flyers with digital art or rearranging my living room 1,000 times to find the perfect Feng shui. I believe  my ability to hyperfocus makes me love those tasks.” — Oceann, Colorado

ADHD Creativity Is… In the Spotlight

“I’m a writer and performer. My talent derives from my unique way of conceptualizing and interpreting the world, plus my constant curiosity. That’s an ADHD brain specialty.” — Dee, Canada

“During COVID, my young adult daughter chose stand-up comedy to help her cope. She works a regular job and continues to perform on weekends, including hosting shows.” — Pat, Canada

“As a humor writer and comedian, it’s important to have an interesting P.O.V. ADHD allows me to focus on details others have missed and makes my writing more interesting and robust. Additionally, being very observant helps me gather information about my audiences very quickly and relate to them.” — Nicole, Ohio

ADHD Creativity Is… Hands On

“I renovated my bathroom and kitchen with zero experience — and they both look professionally done.” — Gretchen, Minnesota

“I refinish furniture to make extra money. It is fun and creative.” — Glenda, Alberta, Canada

“Our daughter fully renovated her home, only calling in plumbers and electricians for vital compliance tickets. She also completed the renovation of a friend’s caravan and is working her way through their home, all while completing a college degree in science communication.” — Anna, Australia

ADHD Creativity Is… Inventive

“I think of wonderful inventions to re-purpose everything I’ve purchased over the years. I’m designing and making self-watering raised flower beds and working on an idea for hidden drawers that can slide in and out from under my bed frame.” — Ruth, New York

“My 8-year-old son is amazing. He puts together LEGO kits by himself. Then, a few days later, he’ll take them apart and create something new with the pieces. He created an excavator from a Star Wars set, Godzilla, and several others.” — Meagan, Alabama

“I build websites. When I let my ADHD loose, I can devise incredibly creative ways to accomplish the tasks my clients want. If they want ‘x,’ I can sometimes deliver ‘x,’ and ‘y,’ and ‘z.’ It’s all a matter of using that ADHD focus.” — Andrew, New York

“When my son was 12, he created fidget objects from LEGOS and sold them to friends. My little entrepreneur.” — Tracy, Canada

ADHD Creativity Is… Illuminating

“I teach university students using rare books and archives. ADHD allows me to connect our collections and subject areas, which wouldn’t normally happen. I also love coming up with new lesson ideas others don’t consider.” — Jo, U.K.

“I’m a dynamic, fun, hardworking teacher. I’m the teacher I always needed. I’m always trying new things!” — Marla, New Jersey

“As an educator, I used my ADHD mind to create novel situations. I sponsored a banana-eating contest to help students understand how the economic system works for a social studies class. The kids had to find a banana sponsor, get contestants, decide the admission price, make advertisements, sell tickets, and determine the profit margin. We held the contest in the school auditorium. It was a blast!” — Jane, California

ADHD Creative Thinking: Next Steps

• Download: A Free Calendar for ADHD Empowerment Month
• Read: Inspiring Celebrities Who Harness Creative Thinking
• Read: ADHD Self-Empowerment Begins With Finding Your “Right Difficult”

SUPPORT ADDITUDE
Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

Peer pressure is a formidable force, and teenage boys with ADHD will likely engage in some forms of risky behavior. Research shows that adolescents are more willing to lean into uncertainty than are adults. This tolerance for risk is part of your teen’s development — though, obviously, too great a tolerance could end in disaster.

It is our job, as parents, to allow our adolescents space to grow while reminding them of the serious, even lethal, consequences associated with some risks. Daredevil driving, substance use, and unprotected sex are a few of the risks that you should never tolerate or ignore.

[Get This Free Download: How to Evaluate Your Teen’s Emotional Control]

Teens are generally more influenced by their friends than by their parents, but family conversations will still likely affect their thinking and decision-making. Start by talking to your son about the risks that worry you most and why they keep you up at night. Make sure to focus your concerns on your son, rather than making the conversation about his friends.

If your teen feels that he needs to defend his friends, you risk turning the discussion into an argument. Staying emotionally balanced can also avoid disagreement or harsh words. Share your thoughts from a place of curiosity and concern for his best interests, rather than judgment.

Whenever the opportunity presents itself, take time to talk and connect with your son without being overbearing. Keeping the dialogue alive and positive can help remind him to avoid the more dangerous risks he will encounter. Of course, there’s no guarantee that your son won’t cross a line, such as experimenting with drugs, that impacts your relationship and trust.

If this happens, it’s up to you to start the process of healing and repairing your bond. A teen boy with ADHD is unlikely to apologize for his mistakes. It’s more likely that he’ll try to avoid responsibility or become oppositional. Preserving your relationship is critical if you’re going to help him manage the consequences of his risky behavior or try to prevent future transgressions. And that means more hard conversations. Before talking with him, plan out the conversation.

[Read: How to Heal a Strained Parent-Teenager Relationship]

• Decide how you’re going to approach your son to initiate the conversation. What is the best time and place for it? Will you be patient and compassionate or commanding yet caring?
• Get clear on your intentions. What are your objectives? What boundaries do you intend to set? What consequences will you enforce if he crosses them?
• Be sure to account for your potential triggers. How will you manage them if they arise so that you can respond in a healthy way, rather than react from negative emotions?

Above all, remember that your son is still growing and learning. He’s a teen, and teens mess up. But they’re also resilient and have a lot of years ahead of them. Their mistakes don’t have to ruin their lives, and, usually, they won’t.

Peer Pressure and ADHD Teens: Next Steps

• Read: When Your Teen Has Questionable Friends
• Free Download: Transform Your Teen’s Apathy Into Engagement
• Read: You Can’t Change Your Defiant Teenager…

Brendan Mahan, M.Ed., M.S., is the producer and host of the ADHD Essentials podcast.

SUPPORT ADDITUDE
Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

Peer acceptance, a sense of self-efficacy, and a stress-is-enhancing mindset are strong predictors of resilience in older teens with ADHD, according to a small longitudinal study published in Child Psychiatry & Human Development.¹

The study, which followed 113 adolescents with ADHD from 10th to 12th grade, found that higher levels of peer acceptance, self-efficacy, and a growth mindset in 10th or 11th grade predicted higher levels of resilience 1.5 to 2 years later.

Peer Acceptance & Mechanisms of Resilience

Participants from the present study were assessed at three points:

• Fall/winter of 10th grade for peer acceptance
• Spring of 10th or 11th grade for self-efficacy, a stress-is-enhancing mindset, and baseline resilience
• Spring of 11th or 12th grade for follow-up on resilience

Peer acceptance at the start of the study explained 24% of the variance in resilience at follow-up. Teens with less severe ADHD symptoms were significantly more likely to report feelings of peer acceptance.

Resilience was measured using the Brief Resilience Scale (BRS), which asked teens to measure their agreement with statements such as “I tend to bounce back quickly after hard times” and “I take a long time to get over setbacks in my life.”

Self-Efficacy

Self-efficacy mediated the relationship between peer acceptance and resilience, accounting for 39% of the variance in resilience at follow-up.

“Greater self-efficacy has been associated with positive outcomes for children and adolescents with ADHD, including lower levels of depression and internalizing symptoms, and reported higher quality of life,” wrote Elizabeth Chan, lead author of the study.

Though ADHD symptom severity did not change the positive effect of self-efficacy on resilience, existing research shows that ADHD symptoms can negatively impact self-esteem.

A Stress-Is-Enhancing Mindset

A stress-is-enhancing mindset accounted for 31% of the variance in resilience. Individuals with this mindset view obstacles as opportunities for learning and development. Teens with more severe ADHD symptoms needed at least a moderate stress-is-enhancing mindset to promote resilience.

A Positive Mindset Has Broad Impact

“One of the key attributes of resilient children and adults is when problems come up, they view these problems as challenges to be solved rather than overwhelmed by,” said Robert Brooks, Ph.D., a leading expert on resilience and motivation.

Healthy peer relationships are also critical for kids with ADHD, many of whom struggle to initiate and maintain friendships. Children tend to experience increased interpersonal problems as they enter adolescence.¹ Between 50% and 80% experience peer rejection, according to one study, which found classmates’ opinions of ADHD students are developed within the first 30 minutes and persist long after.²

“We have to help our children become much better problem solvers and believe in themselves… to start to feel that there are these problems, but there are [also] things we can do,” said Brooks during his 2022 ADDitude webinar “Nurturing Resilience and Motivation in Children with ADHD: The Search for ‘Islands of Competence.”

Existing research on ADHD has associated adaptive outcomes with a growth mindset, as noted by the authors. A growth mindset — the belief that one can change their abilities and circumstances — predicts fewer negative emotions, greater efficacy, and less avoidant coping.^{3, 4}

In contrast, those with a stress-is-debilitating mindset view stress consequentially and are more likely to act on impulse — a core symptom of ADHD. A study published by Society for Research in Child Development and cited by the authors found that, among 1,343 adolescents, more adverse life events predicted greater distress and decreased self-control.⁵ When participants viewed stress as beneficial, they were less likely to respond impulsively to negative events.

Support from Caregivers

No significant interaction was found between a stress-is-enhancing mindset and peer acceptance. According to research cited by the authors, support from parents and teachers may be more influential than support from peers in promoting this enhancing mindset, ^{6, 7} particularly when caregivers praise effort over ability.

Additionally, the presence of a charismatic adult — someone from whom children gather strength — has been associated with resilience in kids with ADHD.⁸ “In the absence of a good co-regulator, a solid, charismatic adult… we know that the likelihood of going on to have positive outcomes goes down,” said Cheryl Chase, Ph.D., in her 2022 webinar with ADDitude on how stress and trauma impact child development. “One charismatic adult can make a massive difference.”

“Despite the adverse outcomes associated with ADHD, some adolescents with ADHD perform as well as or better than their non-ADHD peers in one or more functional domain(s),” wrote Chan et al. “These individuals appear to exhibit resilience, or a pattern of positive adaptation, with some thriving despite the neurobehavioral risks associated with their diagnosis.”

Limitations & Future Research

This was the first study to look at peer acceptance as a predictor of resilience and self-efficacy as a mediator. It was also the first to examine a stress-is-enhancing mindset in the context of ADHD.

Analyses controlled for sex, ADHD symptoms, baseline resilience, and cohort. To be included, participants were required to meet DSM-5 criteria for ADHD combined or inattentive type. Adolescents were excluded if they had a previous or existing diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder, bipolar disorder, dissociative or psychotic disorder, or an organic sleep disorder.

Future research should examine the potential causes of gender discrepancy in levels of resilience, which were significantly lower among females with ADHD. A more diverse sample is also needed, as the population was mostly male (67%) and White or Non-Hispanic (81%). A large percentage of the variance in resilience (61%) was unaccounted for; researchers should consider other contributing factors. Self-report scales were used as a primary measure; more objective reporting tools should be considered for future studies. Exploring interventions that encourage greater peer acceptance and a stress-is-enhancing mindset would benefit the study population.

Sources

¹Chan, E.S.M., Dvorsky, M.R., Green, C.D., et al. (2024). Predictors and mechanisms of resilience for high school students with ADHD: a prospective longitudinal study. Child Psychiatry Hum Dev. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10578-024-01704-3

²Ferretti N.M., King S.L., Hilton D.C., Rondon A.T., & Jarrett M.A. (2019). Social functioning in youth with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder and sluggish cognitive tempo. Yale J Biol Med, 92(1), 29-35. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6430168/

³ Burnette, J.L., Babij, A.D., Oddo, L.E., &Knouse, L.E. (2020). Self-regulation mindsets: relationship to coping, executive functioning, and ADHD. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 39(2), 101-116. https://doi.org/10.1521/jscp.2020.39.02.101

⁴ Pay, C. (n.d.). How can I foster a growth mindset in my ADHD kids? Utah State University. https://extension.usu.edu/relationships/faq/how-can-i-foster-a-growth-mindset-in-my-adhd-kids

⁵ Park, D., Yu, A., Metz, S.E., Tsukayama, E., Crum, A.J., & Duckworth, A.L. (2018). Beliefs about stress attenuate the relation among adverse life events, perceived distress, and self-control. Child Dev 89(6), 2059–2069. https://doi.org/10.1111/cdev.12946

⁶ Haimovitz, K., & Dweck, C.S. (2016). What predicts children’s fixed and growth intelligence mindsets? Not their parents’ views of intelligence but their parents’ views of failure. Psychol Sci 27(6), 859–869. https://doi.org/10.1177/0956797616639727

⁷ Park, D., Gunderson, E.A., Tsukayama, E., Levine, S.C., & Beilock, S.L. (2016). Young children’s motivational frameworks and math achievement: relation to teacher-reported instructional practices, but not teacher theory of intelligence. J Educ Psychol 108(3), 300. https://doi.org/10.1037/edu0000064

⁸ Ofiesh, N.S., & Mather, N. (2023). Resilience and the child with learning disabilities. In: Goldstein, S., & Brooks, R.B. (Eds.). Handbook of resilience in children. Springer, Cham. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-031-14728-9_25

Bullying is learned behavior. It results, in part, from living in a world that normalizes bullying. We see this every day in the way certain politicians speak and act, and the way some adults and children express themselves on social media. There is an unspoken belief that bullying gets results. The truth is: From neuroscientific, medical, neurobiological, and physiological points of view, bullying and abuse do nothing positive. They only put the health and performance of kids’ brains at risk.

Bullying Trauma

All forms of bullying — yelling, insulting, shaming, berating, and ignoring — hurt different regions of the brain.

• Extensive research shows that bullying harms the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain involved in executive functioning skills, such as acting reasonably, thinking intentionally, weighing pros and cons, and considering consequences.
• The amygdala, the brain’s threat detection system, may become enlarged as it becomes reactive and hypervigilant, constantly scanning for threats.
• The hippocampus, the brain’s learning and memory center, may shrink as it bathes in cortisol, a stress hormone.
• The corpus callosum, the bundle of fibers that connect the left and right brain hemispheres, may become demyelinated (losing myelin makes it harder for electrical signals to pass quickly and efficiently).

[Get This eBook: How the ADHD Brain Works]

If left untreated, the harm caused by bullying can lead to problems later in life, including substance abuse, anxiety, depression, aggression, conduct disorders, self-harm, suicidal ideation, and relationship issues. That’s the bad news. The good news is that our brains are wired to repair and recover.

The Healing Power of the Brain

From adolescence through early adulthood, neuroplasticity — the brain’s ability to change, get stronger and healthier — is intensive. Teaching children to use breathing strategies, mindfulness, visualization, and co-regulation as ways to shift their reactions toward stability and balance is vital.

All of the following techniques are backed by extensive, peer-reviewed, replicated brain science.

Breathing

When we breathe in a shallow way, quickly, and from our shoulders, our brain believes we are under threat and prepares us to fight, flee, or freeze. We can calm our brains and bodies by breathing from the belly in a slow, rhythmic way. This is how we tell our brains not to worry, to be restful and present, and to feel safe.

[Download: Kid-Friendly Mindful Meditation Exercises]

Visualization

This approach works for the bully and the bullied. When children are frustrated or feel defeated, work with them to actively imagine a different outcome. For example, if a child feels the impulse to lash out and bully their peers, challenge them to imagine what it’s like to be hurt or humiliated. Relating to the victim, rather than threatening them to increase personal superiority and power, can help in lessening or eradicating bullying behavior.

Likewise, when a child is bullied, ask them to visualize what might be going on in the bully’s life that would cause them to be threatening. The goal is not to excuse the aggressive behavior; it’s to understand that each of us has a nervous system that can put us into fight, flight, or freeze mode as circumstances warrant. Then, have them practice body language that exudes confidence, like walking tall and holding their head high as they ignore and walk away from the bully. Also, tell them not to be afraid to seek out a trusted adult for help.

Co-regulation

Help a targeted child feel safe by adopting a loving facial expression, speaking with a gentle tone of voice, offering physical affection, sharing your experiences, and using a melodic speaking pattern. When we speak in a higher-pitched, sing-song voice, as many of us do when we talk to a baby or a pet, it calms the other person.

Those who are targets of bullying can also make their brains more resilient by doing the following:

• Engaging in aerobic exercise
• Eating a healthy diet and taking omega-3 supplements
• Connecting with others
• Getting nine hours of sleep each night
• Spending time in nature

Each of these practices and self-care choices can improve the brain function of children and teens with and without ADHD.

Healing from Bullying Trauma: Next Steps

• Replay: Lifelong Effects of Bullying and the Brain’s Ability to Recover
• eBook: Mindfulness & Meditation for ADHD Symptoms
• Download: Questions to Get Your Child Talking
• Read: How Trauma and Chronic Stress Affect Developing Brains

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Your child can’t find their backpack and the school bus is here already. Wait, they found it. But where’s their homework and the permission slip for that field trip? Oh no, Dad misplaced his wallet and keys — again. Ten minutes later, he’s still searching. Now he’ll be late for work.

Does this sound familiar? Few things cause more strife in a household than clutter and disorganization. When a home is messy, and things are hard to find, it can make everyone feel stressed. Families touched by ADHD can thank weak execution function skills for this all-too-common scenario.

And here’s what can add another layer of conflict: When only some family members have ADHD and struggle to keep things organized and tidy, and others in the household are the opposite — and neat. ADHD or not, you can take control of your surroundings and optimize your spaces with our decluttering techniques and efficient storage solutions. We will bring harmony back to your newly organized and functional environment.

In the webinar, you will learn:

• About the common struggles families face when only some in the household have ADHD, and the conflict that ensues when all family members have ADHD
• About techniques to help kids and parents get started on their goal to become organized and create spaces to put things where they belong
• How having less stuff is key to being organized, and the techniques to help you decide what to keep and what to toss
• How to compromise and bring harmony back to your household

We will also tackle readers’ real-life situations, as well as recount my own experience as a professional organizer who is married to a very lovely but very messy man.

Watch the Video Replay

Enter your email address in the box above labeled “Video Replay + Slide Access” to watch the video replay (closed captions available) and download the slide presentation.

Download or Stream the Podcast Audio

Click the play button below to listen to this episode directly in your browser, click the  symbol to download to listen later, or open in your podcasts app: Apple Podcasts; Audacy; Spotify; Amazon Music; iHeartRADIO 

How to Organize a Messy Home with ADHD: More Resources

• Free Guide: Hoarding Disorder vs. ADHD Clutter
• Q&A: “Should I Hire a Professional Organizer?”
• Read: How to Motivate for Cleaning House When You Really Don’t Want To
• eBook: Declutter Your Life (and Home! and Office!)

Obtain a Certificate of Attendance

If you attended the live webinar on September 10, 2024, watched the video replay, or listened to the podcast, you may purchase a certificate of attendance option (cost: $10). Note: ADDitude does not offer CEU credits. Click here to purchase the certificate of attendance option »

Meet the Expert Speaker

Tracy McCubbin has always lived by the motto, “Don’t put it down, put it away.” But who knew she could turn that philosophy into a booming business? While working for a major television director in Hollywood, Tracy discovered she had the ability to see through any mess and clearly envision a clutter-free space. Coupled with her keen time management and organizational skills, Tracy soon found fulfillment in helping people discover real solutions by getting to the root of their clutter. That’s when dClutterfly was born.

Almost two decades and thousands of decluttered homes later, Tracy knew it was time to take what she had learned working with her clients to help others around the world dealing with clutter. She authored two best-selling books: Making Space, Clutter-Free: The Last Book on Decluttering You’ll Ever Need and Make Space for Happiness: How to Stop Attracting Clutter and Magnetizing the Life You Want, bringing the beauty of organizing to homes everywhere. (#CommissionsEarned)

Tracy is also a regularly featured expert in The New York Times, Forbes, goop, The Washington Post, The Wall Street Journal, Yahoo News, CBS, NBC, FOX, Real Simple, and more.

#CommissionsEarned As an Amazon Associate, ADDitude earns a commission from qualifying purchases made by ADDitude readers on the affiliate links we share. However, all products linked in the ADDitude Store have been independently selected by our editors and/or recommended by our readers. Prices are accurate and items in stock as of time of publication.

Listener Testimonials

“I have heard Tracy before, and I think about what she says when I stare at boxes or piles. I have made small improvements. This motivated me to make a plan again and move forward.”

“Thank you SO much! I’m 74 and still trying. Best takeaways: If you’re keeping it because you’re afraid it’s going to the landfill, your home is the landfill; and keep putting it away in the same place, like your toothbrush, and you will eventually always know where it belongs.”

“This seminar really made me reflect on how I have improved my skills regarding decluttering. I remember years ago when I used to ‘shut down’ whenever the time came to get rid of things. Now, I do things differently, and I feel pretty good about these changes in myself.”

Webinar Sponsor

The sponsor of this ADDitude webinar is…

Play Attention: Boost Brainpower and Regain Control. Overwhelmed by daily chaos? ADHD can make managing family life challenging, but there’s a solution. Play Attention’s personalized program is designed to help parents and kids alike improve executive function, focus, and organization. Our NASA-inspired technology, backed by research from Tufts University School of Medicine, helps you develop cognitive control to enhance organization, regulate emotions, and improve productivity, creating a calmer, more structured family life.

Ready to turn the mess into success? Take our ADHD test or schedule a consultation to kickstart your journey to sharper focus and a better quality of life with Play Attention. Call 828-676-2240 or visit www.playattention.com.

ADDitude thanks our sponsors for supporting our webinars. Sponsorship has no influence on speaker selection or webinar content.

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But just like other families, we crave a “third place” where we can relax. So when we discovered Wheated, a gourmet pizza restaurant in our Brooklyn neighborhood, it filled a huge hole in our lives.

Our Third Place: A Neurodiversity-Affirming Pizzeria

I won’t soon forget the tang of the first sip of Umbria or the texture of the pizza’s sourdough crust. But what will stay with me forever is how the restaurant staff made us feel.

After a few visits, my son was on a first-name basis with the owner, who was also a huge soccer fan. He’d chat with my son about soccer as if he had all the time in the world, while the restaurant bustled around us. No matter what drama happened during the week, we had our Sunday night ritual to look forward to and to savor. The servers knew our complicated order and didn’t blink at all the substitutions.

[Take This Self-Test: Signs of Autism in Children]

We would arrive most Sundays just as they opened for dinner. We reserved the same table in the back corner every time. There was loud music, and at times our kid was overstimulated; at other times, I was overstimulated. Waiting for the food was hard. Sometimes, our son moved around in ways that were not the safest for the wait staff and the other diners.

But the staff was gracious to us, always, even when patience ran out on both ends. Even when my son had a meltdown during one of our first visits. Thankfully, it happened to be Super Bowl Sunday, and we were one of the only families there, but the moment was hard nonetheless.

Even as my son screamed and cried and jumped, we were treated respectfully and kindly. The staff set the tone for the other diners. We never had the feeling of hairy eyeballs on us that was so common in other places.

A Friendly and Inclusive Space

The more we visited, the easier the dining experience became. I brought art supplies and noise-canceling headphones. We danced in our seats near the open kitchen, where our son could watch the chefs twirling dough in the air. There were some swift exits and half-eaten meals—but through these experiences, my son developed new skills, and we enjoyed ourselves together.

[Read: “A Love Letter to My Son’s Special Interests”]

We became loyal customers. Eventually, over years, our son got used to the many noises of a busy restaurant. He learned dining etiquette, how to order his own dinner, and where he could safely stim while keeping the aisle clear for servers. We took our family and friends to the restaurant, and were able to have lovely, relaxed celebrations because our kid was known and accepted for who he was there.

I will forever be grateful to that restaurant for helping my son gain social skills and confidence while accepting him unconditionally. The sense of belonging to a “third place” will stay with him as he grows up and branches out to other restaurants and public spaces.

I’d like to think that our family had a positive influence on the restaurant as well. (At the very least, we tipped well!)

If you’re looking for that “third place” for your own family, don’t give up. Inclusive places are out there, and they are delicious.

Autism Acceptance: Next Steps

• Free Download: The ADHD-Autism Link in Children
• Read: 4 Autism Myths — Dispelled
• Read: How to Process and Accept Your Child’s Neurodiversity

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Help your child stay hydrated and healthy this summer (and year-round) with these strategies.

1. Follow a Hydration Routine

Develop a fluid-intake routine to train your child to better tune in to their senses.

Challenge your child to drink a minimum of eight cups of fluids — even better if it’s mostly water — spaced out every few hours throughout the day (e.g., after waking up, mid-morning, before lunch, mid-afternoon, and before dinner). Your child may need more fluids depending on activity level and the weather. Fluids can be paired with snacks and meals.

Monitor your child’s fluid intake — including time, amount, and types of fluids (water, juice, milk, etc.) they drink. Maintaining a log can help ensure they’re sticking to the routine and help you spot any unhealthy drinking patterns, like not drinking enough in one sitting, going for long hours without fluid intake, or hydrating too close to bedtime, which can disrupt sleep. Be sure to ask teachers, babysitters, and other caregivers to record your child’s fluid intake, too.

[Read: A How-To Guide to Summer Safety]

If your child struggles to tell when they’re thirsty, chances are that they also struggle to tell when they’re hungry and/or need to use the bathroom. A benefit of a hydration routine is that it can regulate all these bodily processes. Download my free chart here to track your child’s eating, drinking, and bathroom habits.

2. Set Reminders

• Set alarms using your watch, smartphone, and/or a device such as an Alexa to prompt your child and family to drink water and other fluids.
• Use pictures and other visual cues. Hang up an illustration of a child eating and drinking in sequence to remind your child what to do. Store cups next to plates and pack a carton of juice with your child’s lunchbox to visually connect eating with drinking.

3. Make Hydrating Fun

Encourage your child to choose a special cup or bottle, like one decorated with their favorite characters or animals, to motivate them to refill and stay hydrated. Novelty or musical reusable straws are also fun. Make water more interesting and palatable by adding natural flavors such as chopped mango, blueberries, or any fruit of your child’s choice, introduced at different times of the day.

[Read: How I Reduce the Summer Stress]

4. Incorporate Hydrating, Water-Rich Foods

Hydrating is not just about consuming cups of fluids. Water-rich foods – gelatin, popsicles, yogurts, and fruits – can also help your child stay hydrated. Though not a substitute for drinking fluids overall, these foods are a great compromise if your child resists drinking fluids.

5. Get Help from a Medical Professional

If keeping your child hydrated with the above strategies is a daily battle, you may be thinking, “Can’t I just let my child drink when they want to?”

Our bodies need to stay hydrated for many health reasons, from keeping the bladder clear of bacteria to carrying nutrients and oxygen to cells. Indigestion, constipation, and dysregulation are all results of dehydration.

But forcing your child to take in more fluid isn’t the answer. A medical professional can help you implement healthy strategies for your unique child.

Be mindful of the following symptoms, as they could indicate that your child is dehydrated. If symptoms are severe, call 911.

• dry mouth, lips, tongue, eyes, and skin
• tiredness and irritability
• headaches and dizziness
• dark, concentrated, strong-smelling urine
• urinating less frequently
• muscle cramps or spasms (may be noticeable during play)
• rapid heartbeat

Hydration Tips for Neurodivergent Kids: Next Steps

• Get This Free Download: 20 Secrets to a Smarter Summer
• Read: Engineer Better Environments Kids with Sensory Processing Disorder and ADHD
• Read: More Than Picky Eating — Conditions Linked to Feeding Difficulties in Children

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“I take advantage of the morning coolness and plan outdoor activities before the summer sun heats up. One child is very sensitive to heat, so indoor activities take up the afternoon. I allow screen time later in the day. If I allow this too early, I’ve lost them for the rest of the day.”

“All of my kids have ADHD, and they get on each other’s nerves, so separating them as much as possible works best. I schedule activities at different times. When one child is busy, I spend one-on-one time with the other.”

[Free Download: 20 Secrets to a Smarter Summer]

“We have three kids, two with ADHD and one with AuDHD. We arrange for camps at staggered times, so when they start to get bored, there’s another camp to go to.”

“Both my kids have ADHD. One is inattentive, and one is hyperactive/impulsive. They prefer to be home in the summer instead of at a camp. They have vastly different interests, different ways of handling things, and are at different developmental stages. This is what works for us: giving each some one-on-one time, scheduling family activities and chores to keep them busy, and letting one stay home while the other goes to their grandparents for a day or two.”

“My kids with ADHD get so adept at their school-related and after-school obligations that, come summer, they almost freak out with the overstimulation of all the options available. One child craves fresh and new activities while the other requires routine. Hanging out at a public pool and inviting different friends to come with help. Going to a park with splash zones is good for the child who likes novelty. Going there at the same time helps the child who craves routine.”

“Sibling squabbles are a big hot button for us. I have been working with my kids on slowing down, emphasizing belly breathing, and waiting 90 seconds to allow the fight or flight chemicals to clear from their brains. Then, I encourage each to share their perspective while the other silently listens. Then I allow them to collaborate on a solution.”

How to Stop Siblings from Fighting: Next Steps

• Download: Free Guide to Choosing the Perfect Summer Camp
• Read: “My Kids Fight Nonstop!” How to Squash ADHD Sibling Rivalry
• Read: The Other Child
• Special ADDitude Collection: Summer Learning Ideas for Kids with ADHD

SUPPORT ADDITUDE
Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.