The average American checks their phone 205 times each day and spends about one-quarter of their waking hours on that addictive device each day. Time surrendered to screens has increased at least 30% in just the last five years; the unchecked proliferation of digital media and its influence over our lives is arguably the defining feature of the 21^st century.

There’s no point spitefully opposing screens, digital media, and artificial intelligence. These tools keep us connected, learning, and informed, but the price we pay is the persistent erosion of our attention. Technology companies invest billions in developing powerful algorithms made to embezzle our attention, with little regard for the near- and long-term effects on health and wellbeing. The risks are particularly high for young people with ADHD who experience impulsivity, altered reward processing, time management challenges, and difficulty with boredom.

Multiple states are now issuing orders to curb phone use in schools and U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy has called for warning labels on social media platforms, suggesting that digital media checks and balances are taking shape. To that end, here are steps you can take to regain control over your digital media use.

How Do Screens Affect Us?

Perpetual Distraction

Technology exploits the information-foraging nature of the brain. We evolved to seek and value information because it’s useful for survival. We don’t always know how to filter out too much information. That’s why it’s so tough to ignore the constant pings, dings, and other incessant notifications that force their way into our brains.

The Fiction of Multitasking

Our brains can only focus on one task at a time, yet many of us, seduced by our devices, assume that we can easily switch between tasks. Task switching is costly not just to productivity, but to brain functioning. It deteriorates attention span, which, according to some reports, has decreased from two and a half minutes in 2004 to about 47 seconds today.

[Think You May Be Addicted to Your Phone? Take This Screener] 

Aversion to Delays

The sheer speed of apps, sites, and game today has made us averse to delays. Ever notice yourself growing impatient if a page takes 10 seconds to load? We want stimulation constantly and immediately. An aversion to postponing gratification is problematic — patience and the ability to handle discomfort are essential for healthy functioning.

FOMO and Anxiety

Excessive pressure to stay connected to technology for fear of missing out (FOMO) drives anxiety, keeping us compulsively stuck to our devices and driving a feedback loop.

Restore Control: How to Unplug

Check In with Yourself

Ask yourself the following questions (and be honest in your answers) to gauge where you stand with your digital media habits:

• “Is my smartphone use a problem for me? If so, in what ways?”
• “Am I spending more time on my smartphone, computer, or device than I want?”
• “Am I too distracted by notifications on my smartphone, computer, or other device?”
• “Am I compulsively looking at my smartphone when I don’t really need to be?”
• “Do I worry too much about what I’m missing if I’m not checking my smartphone?”
• “Is it hard for me to resist looking at my smartphone when I’m doing other things, such as working, studying, spending time with people, walking, or driving?”
• “Am I unhappy with my social media presence?”
• “Am I an active or a passive user on social media?”
• “Am I using social media as a substitute for real life?”
• “Does social media leave me feeling inadequate or disappointed about my life?”

[Read: Can’t Stop Clicking? Here’s How to Beat “Infomania”]

Commit to Conscious Change

Reducing time spent online is critical — and difficult. It takes effort and real commitment to break free from what is an automatic behavior for many of us. Here are a few actionable steps to curb your screen and online time:

• Use and app to track your daily social media activity for an accurate sense of how much attention you’re surrendering.
• Turn off your phone at key times like while you’re driving, in meetings, and with family and friends.
• Don’t bring your device to bed. Park your devices in a dresser or keep them outside of your room during bedtime.
• Disable app notifications to avoid distractions and feelings of FOMO.
• Interrupt compulsive checking. Decide specific times for checking your phone, for example. Keep your phone out of reach. Have a good reason for checking so that it’s not mindless.
• Avoid passive scrolling, which is more likely to lead to negative feelings and disconnectedness.
• Fill the void. Do you check social media because you’re bored? Stressed? Anxious? Lonely? Dissatisfied with your life? Question your reasons for escaping into the online world and see how you can tune in more to the real world. Keep a gratitude journal and track the positives. Spend time doing things in the physical world that make you feel good so that you’re better able to stay rooted in the present and restore your attention span.
• Do what you can, but do something. What will it take for you to improve your digital media habits, even by a few minutes a day? If you can’t turn off your phone during dinner, can you commit to not looking at it for the first 5 minutes of your meal? If you can’t disable notifications, can you be more selective about which ones come through? Remind yourself why you want to be in better control of your usage and what’s at stake.

Screen Addiction and ADHD: Next Steps

• Read: Wasting Time on Social Media? 6 Ways to Stop ADHD Brains from Doom Scrolling
• Read: Phone Distractions Were Sabotaging My Relationships, Sleep & Self-Esteem
• Read: ADHD Brains on Screens  — Decoding a Complicated Relationship
• Watch: Time to Unplug? How Screen Time Impacts the ADHD Brain

The content for this article was derived from the ADDitude ADHD Experts webinar titled, “The Journey to Independence: A Parent’s Guide to Delayed Adulthood with ADHD” [Video Replay & Podcast #503] with Anthony Rostain, M.D., M.A., which was broadcast on May 1, 2024.

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Waiting sounds basic, but it’s far from simple to practice. As a Certified Financial Planner®, I know that many people spend their entire lives struggling to wait — a habit that is at the root of all kinds of financial problems, from impulsive spending and overblown budgets to reaching retirement age with few or no savings.

I am not perfect. Delaying gratification has not come easy for me because of my ADHD, a condition marked by impulsivity and dopamine-seeking. Still, I have slowly but surely gotten better at waiting. As ADHD and financial problems are linked¹, it’s safe to assume that children with ADHD may benefit from practicing the essential skill of waiting. It’s never too early to start.

[Read: Great Ideas for Teaching Your Children to Manage Their Dollars and (Spending) Sense]

Delayed Gratification: How to Teach Your Child to Wait

• When-Then. Granting video game time for completed homework is one way to teach the valuable skill of waiting, as is an ice-cream run for finished chores.
• Use goal-specific allowance jars. Help your child create a short-term goal jar for small rewards (like a sweet) and a long-term jar for big-ticket items (like a new video game or a special outing.) Seeing the jars side by side can help your child visually understand the trade-offs between immediate and delayed rewards.
• Introduce waiting periods for spending their allowance. For instance, if your child wants a toy, they should wait one week for every $10 it costs. This will teach them that expensive things often require more patience and planning.
• Offer matching contributions. For every dollar your child saves, reward them with another at the end of the year.
• Model delayed gratification: When making a big purchase for the family, talk about why you’re saving for it and how you’re making trade-offs to reach your goal.
• Discuss the pitfalls of comparison, especially the ‘Keeping up with the Joneses’ dynamic often seen on social media. Explain how this can fuel unhealthy comparisons and distort perceptions of money and wealth. Help your child understand that what they see online doesn’t always reflect reality or wise financial decisions.

How to Teach Kids About Money: Next Steps

• Read: Mo’ Problems? Raising Smart Spenders (and Savers) with ADHD
• Read: “The Expensive Lessons We’ve Learned About In-App Purchases”
• Read: How to Teach Teenagers About Money

The content for this article was derived from the ADDitude ADHD Experts webinar titled, “Smart Money Habits for People with ADHD” [Video Replay & Podcast #522] with Otto Rivera, CFP®, EA, which was broadcast on September 24, 2024.

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Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

Sources

¹ Pelham, W. E., Page, T. F., Altszuler, A. R., Gnagy, E. M., Molina, B. S. G., & Pelham, W. E. (2020). The long-term financial outcome of children diagnosed with ADHD. Journal of consulting and clinical psychology, 88(2), 160–171. https://doi.org/10.1037/ccp0000461

RSD makes everyday, non-threatening social encounters incredibly stressful. Because of RSD, I’ve missed one too many social activities to avoid dealing with the emotional fallout of potential rejection. Horrified that I would say or do something wrong, I would decline invitations from friends or skip optional work activities. My friendships and intimate relationships suffered as a result.

A change of plans, even if rational, would send me into a panic. My mind raced with catastrophic worst-case scenarios – beyond “this person doesn’t like me.” I scanned facial expressions for the slightest hint of negativity to confirm my irrational thoughts. At work, I second-guessed every decision and comment from coworkers, constantly fearing I’d be fired. As someone highly sensitive to feedback due to ADHD, perceived rejection or even constructive criticism felt unbearable and left deep emotional wounds.

Overcoming Rejection Sensitivity with Mindfulness

It took realizing that I was experiencing RSD in the first place for things to improvement to begin. Awareness of the biological roots of my intense reactions helped reduce my shame over what felt like a personal failing. But knowledge alone doesn’t always curb anxious thoughts in the moment. That’s where mindfulness steps in.

Mindfulness teaches you to observe your thoughts and feelings in the present moment without judgment. The idea is this: Pausing to observe calms intense emotions and provides space to avoid getting carried away by them. Below, I share a few mindfulness practices that have helped me cope with RSD.

[Get This Free Download: Understanding Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria]

1. Get Moving

At first, I struggled to literally sit still with racing RSD-fueled thoughts for more than a few minutes. I learned that it’s easier to enter a state of mindfulness while I walk. As I walk, I notice physical sensations to anchor my attention to, like my every inhale and exhale and the contact my feet make against the ground. Tracking small details is such an effective distraction from worrying narratives. Over time, I was able to sustain non-reactive awareness for longer periods.

2. Thoughtfully Question

Mindfulness also helps me recognize the cognitive distortions behind RSD. I learned to question whether my perceptions line up with facts. Was someone really angry at me just because their voice sounded off? Why assume the worst with little evidence? Approaching each situation with the willingness to question my reactions, again and again, eventually grew easier.

3. Write It Out

What is writing, if not a pure exercise in mindfulness? The process of channeling thoughts onto paper forces me to slow down, name what I’m feeling, and eventually look for a balanced perspective rather than stew in emotion.

4. Kind Self-Talk

Whether you’re walking or writing, kind self-talk is part of mindfulness. The trick is breaking patterns of harsh criticism after setbacks and replacing those with a thought or two about what went well. Learning to notice and appreciating small social wins boosted my confidence and made future interactions easier.

[Read: The Power of Positive Self-Talk — Increase Productivity and Happiness]

Today, RSD still comes, but I’m armed with coping skills. When anxiety rises, I breathe deeply and shift focus outward rather than spiraling inward. I try my best to pause before I react and stretch the space between desire and action. I accept uncertainty instead of constantly seeking reassurance that only prolongs distress. I don’t always get it right, and RSD sometimes gets the best of me, but regularly practicing mindfulness has undoubtedly upped my emotional resilience. Most importantly, I’m learning to be gentle with myself.

Overcoming Rejection Sensitivity with ADHD: Next Steps

• Get This Free Download: Emotional Regulation & Anger Management Scripts
• Read: “I Can’t Handle Rejection. Will I Ever Change?”
• Read: How Fear of Failure & Rejection Keep Us from Trying New Things

SUPPORT ADDITUDE
Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

As a family physician who specializes in ADHD, I see patients who are not just frustrated by their interactions with providers but devastated by the way they have been treated. They have significant impairments that provider after provider has minimized, and they have a very hard time getting help.

I have been treating ADHD for more than 15 years and what my new patients tell me about the struggles they’ve endured while seeking care is disheartening and depressing. Many of us providers haven’t been taught about ADHD in adults and are afraid to diagnose or treat it. To help you, the provider, be part of the solution, instead of part of the problem, I offer the following points to help you understand ADHD and really see the patient in front of you.

The Person in Front of You

• The person in your office is scared to death that you are going to judge them or invalidate their experiences. They have probably spent weeks or months debating whether they should say anything about their impairments.
• This person likely has been let down by the medical system that minimizes their impairments and even scoffs at their pain. As they’ve learned to expect such treatment, they may feel they have to go overboard to convince you that they really are impaired.
• At the same time, the person in front of you likely feels ashamed that they can’t “adult” — that they can’t handle the mundane details of human existence that we all have to deal with, so they may minimize their impairments. Patients, in sum, will either overstate or minimize their impairments. Both sides are normal.

[Read: Is Adult ADHD Real? Yes — and Still Heavily Stigmatized]

You, the Provider

• Please check your filters at the door and listen to your patient with curiosity and an open mind. It may help to think, “What if everything they’re saying is true?” Remember that your patient showed up because they are sure that something is wrong with them. They feel awful, tired, and overwhelmed no matter what they do. Attend to your patient’s concerns thoroughly.
• Pause if you catch yourself thinking, “That’s normal. I do that.” We all know what it is to experience forgetfulness, moments of impulsivity, and other behaviors that look like ADHD. What signals ADHD is the degree to which a patient’s symptoms cause impairment and suffering.
• Treating ADHD is incredibly rewarding. Most of us went into medicine to help people and make a positive difference in someone’s life. Helping a patient manage their condition results in truly life-changing outcomes.

On Diagnosing ADHD

• There is no one perfect way to diagnose ADHD. Most people are diagnosed with the use of rating scales like the ASRS, Barkley, or Conners, which are often sufficient to screen for ADHD alone.
• Even if you aren’t a specialist, you can diagnose ADHD.
• Neuropsychological tests are not a good way to diagnose ADHD. The psychologists who do those tests feel even less comfortable diagnosing ADHD than you do.
• ADHD is more underdiagnosed than it is overdiagnosed.

[Get This Free Download: The Clinicians’ Guide to Differential Diagnosis of ADHD]

On Treating ADHD

• Stimulants really are the best first-line treatment for ADHD.
• The Schedule II controlled substance classification for stimulants makes them sound more addictive than they actually are. After all, consider the fact that many patients who take prescribed stimulant medication for ADHD frequently miss doses and, in my experience, days of medication. How often do you think your patients who take opiates or benzodiazepines forget to take their medication? Not very often because they get physical withdrawal symptoms if they miss a dose.
• There is no way to know ahead of time what stimulant and dosage will work best for a patient. Trust what the patient says about how their medication is working. My experience shows that, if left to make the decision on their own, most patients will choose too low of a dose.
• Stimulants need to work for as long as possible during the day, not just for a few hours. A patient shouldn’t have to pick and choose the hours during which their medication should work in order for them to function and meet life’s demands. Would you want that for yourself? Would you present your most focused, productive self only to your morning patients? What about your afternoon patients and your family? Is it fair that they see your most irritable, unfocused self? These are the kinds of decisions patients have to make if their stimulant doesn’t last all day long.
• Most patients are not drug seeking. They are desperately trying to find a way to function like adults and gain control over their lives. What they seek most is your understanding and support.

Listening to Patients with ADHD: Next Steps

• Get This Free Download: The Clinicians’ Guide to Treating Complex ADHD
• Read: A Clinicians’ Guide to Better Patient Communication
• Read: Racial Disparities in ADHD Care — How Clinicians Can Better Serve Patients

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In a recent survey of 1,883 ADDitude readers, only 3.5% said they have no challenges in their relationships and friendships. The remaining respondents reported difficulties with meeting new people, staying in touch, social anxiety, and rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) — all of which thwart potential and long-term connections.

Here, we take a closer look at the challenges that hinder friendships and relationships and offer reader-provided solutions for building lasting connections because, as one respondent wrote, “If you don’t try, you’ll never know what could have been.”

Challenge #1: Reaching Out

More than half (55%) of respondents said proactively making plans was their biggest friendship challenge.

Solution: Last-Minute Plans

“I have found the best way to get together with other busy parent friends is to call and ask, ‘What are you doing right now?’ Half the time, we meet at a park or home for a few hours on a random day. This works much better than making plans since it’s hard to prioritize ‘getting together’ over family or other obligations.”

“I make plans at the last minute on the days I feel I can be social.”

Solution: Schedule Check-Ins

“I put my friends’ names in my calendar to remind me to check in, whether we have plans or not.”

“I set a goal to message someone a few times a week and even put it on my to-do list. Otherwise, it will not get done.”

“I schedule a Zoom call with an out-of-state friend, who has similar challenges to mine, every few weeks.”

“My best friend and I like to have phone calls over morning coffee on some weekends. It’s a great way to start the day!”

“I text my friends when I think about them, even if it’s not a ‘convenient time,’ so they know I’m still thinking about them.”

[Get This Free Download: The ADHD Friendship Guide for Adults]

Challenge #2: Managing Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD)

RSD is extreme emotional sensitivity and pain triggered by the perception of criticism or rejection. It is common in adults with ADHD and impeded the relationships of 43% of survey respondents.

Solution: Be Reflective, Not Reactive

“Take a step back when RSD happens and ask yourself, whether it’s RSD or real.”

“Try to practice not reacting to RSD at the moment and ignoring the urge to catastrophize.”

“The Safe and Sound Protocol has helped a lot with my RSD.”

Solution: Be Transparent

“Let friends know if you struggle with RSD. They may not have ever heard of it, but once they know, they will usually help you find ways to feel less rejected (e.g., by using different wording in text messages, not letting you disappear, etc.).”

“Figure out what triggers your rejection sensitivity and how to communicate it with your loved ones. If they know what might trigger you, they can help you through feelings when they come up (e.g., saying, ‘I’m not canceling because I don’t want to spend time with you; it’s because of x…’).”

[Read: “I Can’t Handle Rejection. Will I Ever Change?”]

Challenge #3: Forming New Social Connections

More than one-third (38%) of respondents said they had difficulty knowing where and how to make new connections.

Solution: Join an Online Community

“Social media keeps me from completely losing touch with my friends.”

“Facebook groups have provided validation that I am not alone and have given me an avenue to help others and connect with other similarly minded folks in my area.”

“Taylor Swift’s online community is welcoming and fun.”

Solution: Join an In-Person Community

“Get involved in something, e.g., a club. It will give you a reason to socialize and can also distract you when the socializing becomes too much.”

“Find a house of worship you like and keep going.”

“Engaging in person is always the best way to meet new friends. I encourage myself to sign up for classes and check out community events whenever possible. Never underestimate the value of a human smile.”

“Focus on planned, short, easy group meetings with people for a finite amount of time. That way, I know how long I need to be ‘on’ rather than sit through a long-drawn-out event.”

“I love board games. I met my partner at a board game store’s open game night.”

“I am in recovery, and I have found a staggering number of friends in recovery groups (12 Step and otherwise) who are also neurodivergent. Spending time with others in a 12-step program with similar problems helps me not feel alone or special — meaning, my problems are unique to me, but I’m not the only person struggling with similar issues. Creating community and abandoning solitude, exceptionalism, and isolation is immeasurably valuable.”

Solution: Step Out of Your Comfort Zone

“Sometimes things feel awkward or uncomfortable — just sit in the discomfort.”

“I push myself occasionally to make plans with friends and family even when I’m too tired.”

“Be friendly, open, and curious. Be brave and introduce yourself at parties or gatherings. If you connect with someone, ask them to connect again through phone numbers or Facebook. Then, invite them out or over for coffee or a walk. Someone needs to make the first move.”

“Strike up a conversation with the wallflowers at gatherings.”

Challenge #4: Finding Your People

Finding friends was hard for 20% of respondents, and so was identifying people who appreciate (not criticize) their neurodivergence.

Solution: Seek Out Neurodivergent Friends

“My closest friends also have ADHD and totally understand and accept not only my quirks but also my absences from online or in-person chats and catch-ups.”

“I’ve always gravitated toward neurodivergent people. Other relationships end up feeling too much like work because of trying to meet their needs and expectations of a friendship, which are often contrary to my own.”

“It helps when your friends also have ADHD or are neurodivergent. It means easier conversations and less judgment. I highly recommend it.”

Solution: Be Transparent with Others

“I’m very transparent with my family and friends regarding my challenges. It’s helpful to say things like, ‘I’m laughing because I’m uncomfortable,’ or acknowledging awkwardness. Verbalizing things helps me recognize my feelings.”

“Tell your friends you struggle to call or make plans, but you haven’t intentionally forgotten or ghosted them.”

“Be open from the beginning, e.g., say, ‘I might cancel plans last minute if I’m having a tough day,’ ‘I will probably forget to send you a birthday card,’ ‘I might not reply to your messages for days or weeks,’ etc. If they’re fine with this, you’re off to a good start!”

“It has helped to let friends know that I have ADHD and may not appear to be listening, but I really am trying. I have also shared that because of my tendency to hyperfocus on a task, I might miss important details they said about their life. And again, I do care and don’t mean for it to seem like I’m disinterested.”

Solution: Be Transparent with Yourself

“I remind myself that not everybody is a good fit for me, just as I am not for others. To find my tribe, I need to interact with many people and let go of many people. It’s the same for others. It’s not personal; it’s a numbers game.”

“Try not to have strong judgments or expectations of other people. Just because you would respond to someone’s message immediately doesn’t mean everybody can or does. Just because you would always be available for someone doesn’t mean they will or can. Really look for people you like. When you meet people, don’t prioritize ‘Do they like me?’ Prioritize ‘Do I like them?’ Spread your social and emotional needs among different people so nobody gets too overwhelmed. Don’t put pressure on anyone to be your everything.”

Challenge #4: Social Anxiety

One- third of respondents said social anxiety keeps them from attending social events or engaging in conversations — all necessary for relationship building.

Solution: Change Your Mindset

“If I feel anxious in a social setting, I treat it like a work setting, where I do fine. I put on a mask initially, but eventually, I will feel comfortable being my genuine self. It’s sort of like ‘fake it till you make it.’”

“When it comes to RSD and social anxiety situations, it has been immensely helpful for me to realize that I have more power than I think I do. If I’m anxious about someone being difficult or unkind, I have the power to be proactively warm, confident, and kind, which (I remind myself) will only make them embarrassed or look bad if they choose to respond with unkindness.”

“Remember that you’re thinking more about yourself than they are.”

Solution: Prepare

“I think about topics I will discuss before going out.”

“Keep practicing! Watch others in social settings. Observe how they interact and think about how you can apply it. Then, practice in little steps. Be patient.”

Challenge #5: Navigating Conversations and Social Cues

The rules of conversation often baffle ADHD brains, which are prone to overshare, interrupt, or zone out. Twenty percent of respondents said navigating conversations and social cues was their biggest relationship barrier.

Solution: Practice Self-Awareness

“I tell friends and family to let me know when I’m doing something that annoys them or interferes with our ability to engage in conversations. I also check back in with them and ask if I’ve interrupted too much or if I’ve made a conversation too much about myself. My self-awareness and my friends’ honesty helped me improve my social behaviors and become a better listener.”

Solution: Hold Your Tongue

“I try to hold back instead of butting into conversations. This can be hard, as I worry that I will forget to say something. Ha!”

“Allow people to speak about themselves. Try not to interrupt. Ask questions without an agenda.”

“Don’t give your opinion, unless you are asked for it!”

“Just stop talking.”

Solution: Notice Details

“I always look for something I like about the person I’m talking to and compliment them on it. This helps me relate, connect, better absorb the interaction, and be present.”

“I use my superpower of remembering small details to build relationships. For example, if someone gives me a T.V. show recommendation, I’ll watch it and text them about it.”

“The Science of People website is so helpful.”

Solution: Be Authentic

“It takes a lot of mental energy to pretend to be someone you’re not to fit into a group you don’t value or that doesn’t value you. I also find it challenging to engage in small talk, making superficial friendships difficult. Having a few quality friendships rather than many shallow ones is OK. Embrace being the odd one out or someone who doesn’t conform to the norm. Authenticity feels much more fulfilling than conformity.”

“I try to be my most authentic self. I don’t have many friends, but at least I’m being true to myself. Eventually, I will find people who will love and appreciate me for who I am.”

“It is OK to be an introvert.”

“Communicate your needs, notice your boundaries, and don’t try to change yourself for others.”

Challenge #6: Prioritizing My Partner

Our partners are often our best friends, but 23% of respondents said that “prioritizing my partner” was their greatest relationship obstacle.

Solution: Designate Time

“Even when the day is busy, carve out 5 to 15 minutes before going to sleep to talk with your significant other.”

“My partner and I (we both have ADHD) have weekly check-ins where we touch base on how we are doing individually, as a couple, and if there are any ways we can support one another in meeting our goals. It also allows us to follow up on things we may have been putting off or need additional support. It has become an important time for connection and accountability in our relationship.”

“Every day, I actively and genuinely compliment my husband and, where appropriate, express my gratitude for his support of me. Secondly, every day, I do something for my husband without referring to it and without expecting any gratitude or thanks in return. These two actions have significantly improved our lives. Our relationship is closer and kinder.”

“Complete The Fair Play Deck: A Couple’s Conversation Deck for Prioritizing What’s Important (#CommissionsEarned) with your partner when relaxed and feeling good. It has helped me split the domestic load more equitably, pause resentments, and draw a direct line between stuff going on in my partner’s life and why something did or did not get done.”

How to Make Friends As an Adult with ADHD: Next Steps

• Celebrate Every Step! Join the Small Wins Appreciation Network
• Download: Small Wins That Add Up to Big Change!
• Read: 6 Ways to Build and Sustain Healthy Relationships in the New Year
• Read: Bad Texter? Worse Caller? 6 Ways to Rekindle Cold Friendships

SUPPORT ADDITUDE
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#CommissionsEarned As an Amazon Associate, ADDitude earns a commission from qualifying purchases made by ADDitude readers on the affiliate links we share. However, all products linked in the ADDitude Store have been independently selected by our editors and/or recommended by our readers. Prices are accurate and items in stock as of time of publication.

“I know how to eat healthy; it’s just so much work to plan, shop, cook, and clean up. Opening a bag of chips is so much easier.”

About half of adults with ADHD say that finding time to prepare healthy meals is a major barrier to better diet and nutrition, according to a new survey of 1,900 ADDitude readers. Additional challenges related to diet and nutrition cited by readers include the following:

• Resisting impulsive snacking: 48%
• Planning healthy meals: 43%
• Habitually overeating: 22%
• Dietary constraints, food allergies, or picky eating: 21%
• Grocery shopping: 20%
• Affording healthy foods: 13%
• Managing a health condition that impacts diet: 12%
• Low appetite or undereating: 12%

On a 10-point scale, where 10 is extremely satisfied, ADDitude readers rated their diet and nutrition a 4.97.

“I have a hard time not eating after dinner. When I’m watching TV, reading, or even just folding laundry at night, I get bored and food is a fun way to enjoy myself.”

“I eat as a coping skill. I have worked on it for years, but when things get bad, I eat.”

[Get This Free Download: ADHD Brain Food – What to Eat, What to Avoid]

Best Nutrition Apps, Meal Kits, and Health Resources for ADHD

Following are the top apps, meal kit services, websites, and other resources recommended by ADDitude readers for improving diet and nutrition.

• MyFitnessPal: An app to track food intake, calories, exercise, and overall health goals.
• Noom: A psychology-based weight loss app that combines tracking with behavioral coaching.
• Lose It! A calorie counting, nutrition tracking, and intermittent fasting app.
• Mealime: A meal-planning app that provides customizable recipes with integrated grocery shopping.
• WeightWatchers: A popular points-based weight-management program/app that also offers coaching and community.
• HelloFresh: A meal kit delivery service with pre-portioned ingredients and recipe cards.
• Blue Apron: Another popular meal kit subscription service.

“Mealime has been a lifesaver. It has tons of available, easy, tasty recipes with tons of customizable options. It makes grocery lists for you and even randomizes recipes to reduce over-buying and food waste. I have no idea how I’d feed myself without it.”

“Lose It! is mainly used for weight loss, but I use it to be more conscious of my food choices.”

Other Nutrition Resources

• Forks Over Knives: A website that promotes a whole-food, plant-based diet through recipes, meal plans, and educational content.
• Pick Up Limes: Offers plant-based recipes, videos, and lifestyle tips for mindful living and wellness.
• Brain Over Binge: A recovery resource and podcast that addresses binge eating through a neuroscience-based approach.
• NutritionFacts.org: A science-based website that provides unbiased nutrition information and research findings.
• Nerd Fitness: A fitness resource tailored to “geeks” that offers creative workout plans and habit-building tips.
• SuperCook: A recipe search engine that generates meals based on ingredients you already have
• GoblinTools. Its “Chef” feature can generate recipes that factor dietary constraints, serving sizes, equipment, time, and other personalized factors.

[Read: Build a Better Relationship with Food to Benefit Your Brain]

How to Eat Healthy: Essential Supports for ADHD Brains

What helps adults with ADHD eat healthy, resist impulsive snacking, and plan meals? Here’s how ADDitude readers rated the helpfulness of the following diet and nutrition supports on a 5-point scale, where 5 is extremely helpful:

• Medication (e.g., GLP-1 agonists): 3.54
• Spouse, family member, friend: 3.26
• Meal service (e.g., HelloFresh, Blue Apron): 3.10
• Registered dietician or nutritionist: 3.09
• Personal chef: 2.94
• Weight-loss or healthy-eating app or service: 2.86
• ADHD coach: 2.76
• Cooking class: 2.68

“Since starting semaglutide therapy, I have been able to stop dopamining through snacks. I can choose more nutritious foods and control portions.”

“ADHD medication curbed habitual overeating and impulsive snacking, which were both emotional coping mechanisms for me.”

“My husband’s nutrition and cooking habits not only help keep the family going, but also inspire me to do the same.”

How to Eat Healthy: ADHD-Friendly Strategies to Meal Plan and Resist Impulsive Snacking

1. Build in Accountability and Support

“Set monthly nutrition challenges and find people to keep you accountable.”

“Get a friend/family member/co-worker to check whether you’ve remembered to eat. My boss does this for me and it helps a lot.”

“Find a time to plan meals with a body double, maybe while on video.”

“My partner and I make weekly plans of what we will eat and who will be responsible for the cooking.

2. Curb Impulsive Eating with Strategic Buffers

“Cut veggies to have them available for snacking (with a yogurt dressing). Better than chips!”

“Consider getting groceries delivered, so you don’t see snack foods in stores.”

“I look at how much money I’ve saved from not impulsively buying something to eat. It’s a great way to see not just the cost in terms of weight, but the monetary cost, too.”

“I remind myself to check that I’m eating slowly and stop when I’m 8/10 full.”

“I’ve found quick healthy things that don’t require a lot of preparation, like instant oatmeal. They help with portion control and minimize the chances that I’ll order fast food.”

“I think of future-me. When I want to grab something easy, like chips, I say to myself ‘Midday-me will appreciate protein and fruit.’”

“I ask myself, ‘Do I need to eat this, or is this my brain seeking dopamine?’”

3. Reduce Decision Fatigue and Meal Planning Overwhelm

“Print out and laminate easy go-to recipes and stick them inside your kitchen cabinets. They’ll help you the next time you need inspiration.”

“I have days where all I want to do is be creative in the kitchen, and days where I have zero spoons for anything culinary. Making big batches of taco mince, bolognese sauce/ragu, stews and soups and freezing them in portions helps me stay nourished and feed my family when I’m in shutdown.”

“I have emergency meals stocked — like protein bars or Soylent — when I’m too tired or busy to make something.”

“Cook more than you require for healthy leftovers.”

“I maintain a list of meal options in a spreadsheet for inspiration when I’m having difficulty figuring out what to make. I also have a shared grocery list with my spouse, so that we can both add to it.”

“I have just started buying a few frozen meals to take the pressure of having to cook every night. My energy is usually pretty low in the evenings.”

“The ADHD tax of wasted food is immense. Give yourself permission to buy the prepared fruit salad or the diced/frozen/steam packed veggies. These things make better choices accessible.”

4. Do Things Your Way

“I allow myself to eat food the way I want to. Cutting up my sandwich into small cute triangles gives me extra dopamine and also makes the meal feel less intimidating.”

“I really appreciate the advice given online by ADHDers, (e.g., How to ADHD on YouTube) regarding how to eat well depending on your symptoms/needs. YouTube is a wealth of resources for learning how to cook or prepare food that you prefer to eat.”

“Have go-to weekday dishes that most will eat and do what you can. Not every meal needs to be fancy and Insta-worthy.”

5. Look Beyond Eating

“Getting more sleep often helps with my hunger.”

“I find that having an exercise class or other activity with others influences my diet and helps keep me on track.”

“Drink lots of water! Sometimes what we perceive as hunger is actually thirst. I also think having a glass of water gives me something to do and prevents me from snacking.”

“Track how you feel when you eat well.”

“Don’t do fad diets. Look at eating properly as a lifestyle and stick with it.”

How to Eat Healthy with ADHD: Next Steps

• Celebrate Every Step! Join the Small Wins Appreciation Network
• Download: Small Wins That Add Up to Big Change!
• Read: 9 Healthy Food Rules for ADHD Families — What to Eat, What to Avoid
• Read: Healthy Eating Habits for Impulsive, Dopamine-Starved ADHD Brains

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Stimulant medication may normalize certain brain regions impacted by ADHD in children, according to a cross-sectional neuroimaging study of 7,126 children aged 9 to 10 recently published in Neuropsychopharmacology.¹

Study participants were divided into three groups. The “no-med ADHD” group included 1,002 children with severe ADHD symptoms who were not taking stimulant medication. The “stim low-ADHD” group included 273 children whose ADHD symptoms were mild and well-managed with stimulant medication. The “TDC” group included 5,378 typically developing controls.

ADHD symptoms experienced by the no-med ADHD group were associated with brain structure abnormalities not seen in the TDC or stim low-ADHD group, including:

• lower cortical thickness in the insula (INS), a brain area associated with saliency detection or the ability to prioritize information
• less grey matter volume in the nuclear accumbens (NAc), a brain area associated with reward processing and motivation

Children in the stim low-ADHD group showed no significant differences in these brain areas compared to controls. This contrast in structural MRIs suggests that stimulant medication may work to normalize some (but not all) brain regions and improve symptoms in children with ADHD.

Stimulant medication was not associated with improvement in all brain regions. Among those not impacted were the following:

• the caudate (CAU), a brain area responsible for motor control
• the amygdala (AMY), a brain area responsible for emotions

“This result is consistent with previous studies,” the researchers wrote. “Reduced volume in children with ADHD in the CAU is one of the most replicated findings in sMRI studies. No effect of stimulant medications was found in the CAU in the participants with ADHD in several cross-sectional studies. Along the same lines, longitudinal studies on children pointed to the improvement of volumes in the CAU associated with age but not stimulant medications… and two previous studies also pointed out there was no effect of stimulant medications on the AMY.”

Non-stimulant medication did not significantly impact brain structure.

A separate validation analysis included 273 participants with high ADHD symptoms who were taking stimulant medication; the results were consistent with the main study and still suggested that stimulant medication had a positive and noticeable effect on the brain structure of children in this group compared to the no-med ADHD group, even though both groups had high symptom severity at the time of the study.

“These findings are important for the treatment of children with ADHD using stimulant medication,” the researchers wrote.

Stimulant Medication & the ADHD Brain

Stimulants are the first-line treatment for ADHD in children aged 6 and older, teens, and adults. However, some people with ADHD discontinue medication due to side effects. The most common side effects reported by caregivers in ADDitude’s 2023 treatment survey were appetite suppression, irritability or moodiness, and sleep problems.

“Our current medication treatments for ADHD work quite well, but unfortunately, many children stop the treatment or stop taking medication,” said Jonathan Posner, M.D., in his 2020 ADDitude webinar, “Secrets of the ADHD Brain: How Brain Imaging Helps Us Understand and Treat Attention Deficit.” “In fact, the majority of teenagers with ADHD will stop treatment within two years.”

Understanding the parts of the brain that are impacted by stimulant medication can help refine treatment and determine “which of those changes are responsible for symptom improvement versus side effects,” Posner said.

“One of the things that brain imaging has shown is that the development of the brain in children with ADHD seems to be somewhat delayed,” Posner said. “But the overall course of development in children with ADHD versus without ADHD is very similar. It’s almost as if the ADHD brain is a couple of years behind. The very optimistic part of this is that it ultimately does catch up for most children with ADHD.”

For the majority of patients, ADHD symptoms do continue into adulthood, and the prevalence of ADHD in adults is rising. ^{2, 3} However, the present study confirmed Posner’s observations and found that children with even severe ADHD caught up developmentally for the region of the brain responsible for prioritizing information.

MRI scans showed greater cortical thickness in the INS region for the stim-low ADHD group and TDC group compared to the no-med ADHD group. However, data from a two-year follow-up analysis showed these differences were no longer present. Development of the INS is complicated, the researchers noted, but they suggested that “the No-Med group has delayed INS development at baseline, which eventually catches up to the other children.” Researchers theorize that stimulant medication may speed up this process and will continue to follow up with children over the next few years.

Limitations & Future Research

Participant data was obtained from the Adolescent Brain Cognitive Development (ABCD) study, an ongoing study since 2019 that will follow children over 10 years. Data was obtained via structural MRIs and symptom questionnaires and analyzed using linear mixed-effects models (LMM). The study included measures of cortical thickness, cortical area, cortical and subcortical volumes, and total intracranial volume.

The ABCD study lacked diagnostic information for ADHD; therefore, researchers grouped participants using latent class analysis (LCA) and 18 ADHD symptoms from the K-SADS — a moderately reliable test of affective disorders and schizophrenia. Children with bipolar disorders and anxiety disorders, oppositional defiant disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorders, and conduct disorders were excluded from the study.

Results indicate that stimulant medication may enhance brain structure and alleviate ADHD symptoms; however, this study was cross-sectional and did not establish clear causation. Information on the mean dose and duration of participants’ stimulant medication use was missing from the study. Additionally, researchers warned that the study did not fully capture the association between brain structure and ADHD severity. The stim-low ADHD group was much smaller than the other two groups, which may have hindered the study’s results. The two-year follow-up (in line with ABCD study release 4.0) included fewer participants (3,992 after exclusion criteria). Results should be interpreted with caution.

Future research should further incorporate supplemental data on stimulant use, study stimulant use by patients with severe ADHD, and include more longitudinal data.

Sources

¹Wu, F., Zhang, W., Ji, W. et al. (2024). Stimulant medications in children with ADHD normalize the structure of brain regions associated with attention and reward. Neuropsychopharmacol, 49, 1330–1340. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41386-024-01831-4

²U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2024, October 4). ADHD in adults: an overview.
https://www.cdc.gov/adhd/articles/adhd-across-the-lifetime.html

³American Psychiatric Association. (2019, November 15). ADHD increasing among adults.
https://www.psychiatry.org/news-room/apa-blogs/adhd-increasing-among-adults