But here’s the thing: Resilience isn’t born out of ease; it’s forged in the fire of adversity. Hope is the cornerstone of resilience, and it reminds us of our power to heal and create a future that honors our potential.

Building Resiliency to Sustain Hope

Fostering hope requires individuals to look beyond their immediate struggles and envision a future in which their ADHD does not define their limitations, but instead, highlights their unique potential. This shift in perspective can transform the narrative from one of struggle to one of resiliency.

[Read: “I am a Neurodivergent Black Woman — and I am Filled with Hope.”]

For people of color with ADHD, increasing hope involves a holistic approach:

• Raise awareness about ADHD and its impact on people of color. Advocacy can build a sense of purpose and agency, reinforcing hope.
• Build a support network. Surround yourself with family, friends, and mentors who understand and validate your experiences. Engage with communities that resonate with your identity and challenges.
• Set realistic goals. Break down larger aspirations or tasks into smaller, manageable steps. Celebrate each milestone.
• Develop coping strategies. Learn and practice techniques to manage ADHD symptoms; use mindfulness, time-management skills, and organizational tools to aid executive function. Professional support from therapists or coaches can be invaluable.
• Identify and leverage your unique strengths. Whether it’s creativity, problem-solving skills, or a dynamic personality, use these traits to your advantage.

[Read: Why ADHD Is Different for People of Color]

Ultimately, fostering hope among people of color requires a mix of personal mindset, community support, and systemic change. Hope demands that we look beyond immediate challenges and believe in a tomorrow better than any yesterday. Every step toward hope, no matter how small, builds the resilience that empowers us to keep going.

Resiliency, Hope, and ADHD: Next Steps

• Learn: Why We Need Clinicians of Color to Normalize ADHD in BIPOC Communities
• Read: Teaching Generation Z How to Hope
• Download: Your Free Guide to Changing How the World Sees ADHD

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Keeping a clean house with ADHD — especially when all household members have it — is an exercise in teamwork. It requires planning, communication, routines, and lots of patience.

Focus on the Why

Especially with kids, talk often about how striving for organization and less clutter helps them and the family. Say:

• When we do the dishes and put them away, it means that we have clean dishes for our next meal.
• When we put our laundry in the hamper, our clothes get washed, so we have clean clothes to wear.

Bring up frustrating moments they’ve experienced due to disorganization and how a system could help them. Say, “Remember how anxious you felt that one morning when you couldn’t find your backpack? If you put your backpack away in the same place, you can find it every time.” Consider using visual reminders.

Other helpful scripts for all family members:

• “If you decide where something lives and you always put it back there, you will always know where to find it. That’s the reason that we’re organized.”
• “Don’t put it down, put it away. If you put something down, you’ll only have to deal with it later.”
• “Take the extra 10 seconds to put it away. Then it’s over with.”
• “This household is a community. We all live in it together.”

[Get This Free Download: How to Tidy Up Your Home Like a Pro]

Declutter Before You Organize

“Declutter” and “organize” are not synonymous; the latter means putting your things in places so you can find them when you need them. Organizing before decluttering often leads to headaches, as you’re trying to find spots for things that you don’t use.

Having less stuff is the key to being organized. If your home quickly becomes messy again after organizing, it’s a telltale sign that you have too much stuff and need to prioritize decluttering.

Avoid the “Right Vs. Wrong” Vortex

There is no “right” way to keep an organized home. But your family can agree to goals for common spaces and commit to systems that work for everyone, even if unconventional. One client of mine kept sunscreen in the kitchen; the only time her kids sat still enough to apply it was when they were eating. Brilliant! Rather than force her to store sunscreen in the “right” place, we made a sunscreen station for her in the kitchen.

Set up a routine that the family can do together, like a two-hour tidying session every Sunday after lunch. A practice, even if imperfect, can control mess before it explodes.

[Read: How to Win the War on Clutter]

Everyone Needs Space to Be Messy

Not everyone has the same standards for organization and tidiness. As much as possible, allow family members to maintain their personal spaces as they see fit. Trying to control every inch of your home can lead to conflicts, so it’s best to let go. Take it from me, a professional organizer with a messy husband: I stay away from his home office because it’s his space, and our marriage benefits from that.

Bring In Help If You Can

If you find yourself feeling exhausted, resentful, and hopeless about the state of your home, consider hiring a professional organizer who understands neurodivergence. They can demystify decluttering and organization, reduce your stress, and create efficient systems tailored to your needs.

How to Keep a Clean House with ADHD: Next Steps

• Read: How to Motivate for Cleaning House When You Really Don’t Want To
• Read: 33 ADHD-Friendly Ways to Get Organized
• Q&A: “How Do I Know When to Declutter Vs. Organize?”
• Free eBook: Declutter Your Life (and Home! and Office!)

The content for this article was derived from the ADDitude ADHD Experts webinar titled, “How to Organize a Messy Home: Strategies for Clutter and Stress in ADHD Families” [Video Replay & Podcast #520] with Tracy McCubbin, which was broadcast on September 10, 2024.

The average American checks their phone 205 times each day and spends about one-quarter of their waking hours on that addictive device each day. Time surrendered to screens has increased at least 30% in just the last five years; the unchecked proliferation of digital media and its influence over our lives is arguably the defining feature of the 21^st century.

There’s no point spitefully opposing screens, digital media, and artificial intelligence. These tools keep us connected, learning, and informed, but the price we pay is the persistent erosion of our attention. Technology companies invest billions in developing powerful algorithms made to embezzle our attention, with little regard for the near- and long-term effects on health and wellbeing. The risks are particularly high for young people with ADHD who experience impulsivity, altered reward processing, time management challenges, and difficulty with boredom.

Multiple states are now issuing orders to curb phone use in schools and U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy has called for warning labels on social media platforms, suggesting that digital media checks and balances are taking shape. To that end, here are steps you can take to regain control over your digital media use.

How Do Screens Affect Us?

Perpetual Distraction

Technology exploits the information-foraging nature of the brain. We evolved to seek and value information because it’s useful for survival. We don’t always know how to filter out too much information. That’s why it’s so tough to ignore the constant pings, dings, and other incessant notifications that force their way into our brains.

The Fiction of Multitasking

Our brains can only focus on one task at a time, yet many of us, seduced by our devices, assume that we can easily switch between tasks. Task switching is costly not just to productivity, but to brain functioning. It deteriorates attention span, which, according to some reports, has decreased from two and a half minutes in 2004 to about 47 seconds today.

[Think You May Be Addicted to Your Phone? Take This Screener] 

Aversion to Delays

The sheer speed of apps, sites, and game today has made us averse to delays. Ever notice yourself growing impatient if a page takes 10 seconds to load? We want stimulation constantly and immediately. An aversion to postponing gratification is problematic — patience and the ability to handle discomfort are essential for healthy functioning.

FOMO and Anxiety

Excessive pressure to stay connected to technology for fear of missing out (FOMO) drives anxiety, keeping us compulsively stuck to our devices and driving a feedback loop.

Restore Control: How to Unplug

Check In with Yourself

Ask yourself the following questions (and be honest in your answers) to gauge where you stand with your digital media habits:

• “Is my smartphone use a problem for me? If so, in what ways?”
• “Am I spending more time on my smartphone, computer, or device than I want?”
• “Am I too distracted by notifications on my smartphone, computer, or other device?”
• “Am I compulsively looking at my smartphone when I don’t really need to be?”
• “Do I worry too much about what I’m missing if I’m not checking my smartphone?”
• “Is it hard for me to resist looking at my smartphone when I’m doing other things, such as working, studying, spending time with people, walking, or driving?”
• “Am I unhappy with my social media presence?”
• “Am I an active or a passive user on social media?”
• “Am I using social media as a substitute for real life?”
• “Does social media leave me feeling inadequate or disappointed about my life?”

[Read: Can’t Stop Clicking? Here’s How to Beat “Infomania”]

Commit to Conscious Change

Reducing time spent online is critical — and difficult. It takes effort and real commitment to break free from what is an automatic behavior for many of us. Here are a few actionable steps to curb your screen and online time:

• Use and app to track your daily social media activity for an accurate sense of how much attention you’re surrendering.
• Turn off your phone at key times like while you’re driving, in meetings, and with family and friends.
• Don’t bring your device to bed. Park your devices in a dresser or keep them outside of your room during bedtime.
• Disable app notifications to avoid distractions and feelings of FOMO.
• Interrupt compulsive checking. Decide specific times for checking your phone, for example. Keep your phone out of reach. Have a good reason for checking so that it’s not mindless.
• Avoid passive scrolling, which is more likely to lead to negative feelings and disconnectedness.
• Fill the void. Do you check social media because you’re bored? Stressed? Anxious? Lonely? Dissatisfied with your life? Question your reasons for escaping into the online world and see how you can tune in more to the real world. Keep a gratitude journal and track the positives. Spend time doing things in the physical world that make you feel good so that you’re better able to stay rooted in the present and restore your attention span.
• Do what you can, but do something. What will it take for you to improve your digital media habits, even by a few minutes a day? If you can’t turn off your phone during dinner, can you commit to not looking at it for the first 5 minutes of your meal? If you can’t disable notifications, can you be more selective about which ones come through? Remind yourself why you want to be in better control of your usage and what’s at stake.

Screen Addiction and ADHD: Next Steps

• Read: Wasting Time on Social Media? 6 Ways to Stop ADHD Brains from Doom Scrolling
• Read: Phone Distractions Were Sabotaging My Relationships, Sleep & Self-Esteem
• Read: ADHD Brains on Screens  — Decoding a Complicated Relationship
• Watch: Time to Unplug? How Screen Time Impacts the ADHD Brain

The content for this article was derived from the ADDitude ADHD Experts webinar titled, “The Journey to Independence: A Parent’s Guide to Delayed Adulthood with ADHD” [Video Replay & Podcast #503] with Anthony Rostain, M.D., M.A., which was broadcast on May 1, 2024.

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Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

Waiting sounds basic, but it’s far from simple to practice. As a Certified Financial Planner®, I know that many people spend their entire lives struggling to wait — a habit that is at the root of all kinds of financial problems, from impulsive spending and overblown budgets to reaching retirement age with few or no savings.

I am not perfect. Delaying gratification has not come easy for me because of my ADHD, a condition marked by impulsivity and dopamine-seeking. Still, I have slowly but surely gotten better at waiting. As ADHD and financial problems are linked¹, it’s safe to assume that children with ADHD may benefit from practicing the essential skill of waiting. It’s never too early to start.

[Read: Great Ideas for Teaching Your Children to Manage Their Dollars and (Spending) Sense]

Delayed Gratification: How to Teach Your Child to Wait

• When-Then. Granting video game time for completed homework is one way to teach the valuable skill of waiting, as is an ice-cream run for finished chores.
• Use goal-specific allowance jars. Help your child create a short-term goal jar for small rewards (like a sweet) and a long-term jar for big-ticket items (like a new video game or a special outing.) Seeing the jars side by side can help your child visually understand the trade-offs between immediate and delayed rewards.
• Introduce waiting periods for spending their allowance. For instance, if your child wants a toy, they should wait one week for every $10 it costs. This will teach them that expensive things often require more patience and planning.
• Offer matching contributions. For every dollar your child saves, reward them with another at the end of the year.
• Model delayed gratification: When making a big purchase for the family, talk about why you’re saving for it and how you’re making trade-offs to reach your goal.
• Discuss the pitfalls of comparison, especially the ‘Keeping up with the Joneses’ dynamic often seen on social media. Explain how this can fuel unhealthy comparisons and distort perceptions of money and wealth. Help your child understand that what they see online doesn’t always reflect reality or wise financial decisions.

How to Teach Kids About Money: Next Steps

• Read: Mo’ Problems? Raising Smart Spenders (and Savers) with ADHD
• Read: “The Expensive Lessons We’ve Learned About In-App Purchases”
• Read: How to Teach Teenagers About Money

The content for this article was derived from the ADDitude ADHD Experts webinar titled, “Smart Money Habits for People with ADHD” [Video Replay & Podcast #522] with Otto Rivera, CFP®, EA, which was broadcast on September 24, 2024.

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Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

Sources

¹ Pelham, W. E., Page, T. F., Altszuler, A. R., Gnagy, E. M., Molina, B. S. G., & Pelham, W. E. (2020). The long-term financial outcome of children diagnosed with ADHD. Journal of consulting and clinical psychology, 88(2), 160–171. https://doi.org/10.1037/ccp0000461

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Does your tween or teen say ‘No’ as an automatic reflex? Do they dismiss your advice and often do the exact opposite? Do you feel powerless in halting their bad choices as they exert independence and ‘learn the hard way?’

If every day feels like a battle, and your child seems to make things unnecessarily difficult, you are not alone. Parenting tweens and teens with ADHD — and enduring their continued efforts to frustrate you at every turn — takes stamina, patience, and compassion. From intense emotional eruptions and friendship drama to snarky attitudes and bold defiance, adolescents with ADHD seem to cycle through self-defeating and self-destructive patterns exacerbated by puberty. These behaviors are ineffective attempts to hide the worry, frustration, hopelessness, and shame that they feel deep inside. How can you join with your adolescent to create and meet meaningful goals related to school and home life?

In this webinar, Sharon Saline, Psy.D., pulls back the curtain and shows you how to talk with kids about what’s really going on, how to create opportunities for collaborative solutions, and how to reduce conflict at home and at school. She will show you effective strategies for avoiding blowouts, improving motivation, and repairing relationship ruptures. You’ll learn practical techniques for transforming stuckness and obstinacy into optimism and cooperation.

In this webinar, you will learn how to…

1. Understand the biopsychology of adolescent development.
2. Identify collaborative interventions for self-defeating behavioral and psychological patterns in tweens and teens.
3. Explain practical, strength-based approaches for dealing with resistant, oppositional kids that foster cooperation.
4. Develop self-esteem and resilience in challenging adolescents.

Have a question for our expert? There will be an opportunity to post questions for the presenter during the live webinar.

Meet the Expert Speaker

Sharon Saline, Psy.D., clinical psychologist and author of the award-winning book, What Your ADHD Child Wishes You Knew: Working Together to Empower Kids for Success in School and Life and The ADHD Solution Deck specializes in working with children, teens, emerging adults and families living with ADHD, anxiety, learning disabilities, autism, twice exceptionality and mental health issues. Her unique perspective, as a sibling in an ADHD home, combined with decades of experience as a clinical psychologist and educator/clinician consultant, assists her in guiding families and adults toward effective communication and closer connections. She lectures and facilitates workshops internationally on topics such as understanding ADHD, executive functioning, anxiety, motivation, different kinds of learners, and the teen brain. Dr. Saline is a regular contributor to ADDitudemag.com and PsychologyToday.com, a featured expert on MASS Appeal on WWLP-TV, and a part-time lecturer at the Smith School for Social Work. Her writing has been featured in numerous online and print publications including MSN, The Psychotherapy Networker, Smith College Studies in Social Work, Attention Magazine, ADDitude Magazine, Psych Central, and Inquirer.com.

Learn more at www.drsharonsaline.com.

Teens with ADHD: More Resources

• Free Download: Transform Your Teen’s Apathy Into Engagement
• Self-Test: Could Your Child Have Oppositional Defiant Disorder?
• Read: You Can’t Change Your Defiant Teenager…
• Read: “Take a Sabbatical from Teaching and Judging”

Webinar Sponsor

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Play Attention, inspired by NASA technology and backed by Tufts University research, strengthens executive function, emotional regulation, and focus, turning resistance into cooperation. Your customized plan builds critical skills for success and fosters collaboration within your family. Start our ADHD test or schedule a consultation today to see how Play Attention can help. Home and Professional Programs available. www.playattention.com

ADDitude thanks our sponsors for supporting our webinars. Sponsorship has no influence on speaker selection or webinar content.

Certificate of Attendance: For information on how to purchase the certificate of attendance option (cost $10), register for the webinar, then look for instructions in the email you’ll receive one hour after it ends. The certificate of attendance link will also be available here, on the webinar replay page, several hours after the live webinar. ADDitude does not offer CEU credits.

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Some high school seniors, particularly those with ADHD who have experienced persistent academic stress, may benefit from taking a gap year before they begin college, a trade school, or a career. A gap year is a temporary break from higher education. Some students who take a gap year desperately need the time off to decompress, some are uncertain about their direction, and others may want to gain another year of maturity and/or independence before living away at college.

A gap year can provide a teen with the opportunity to work, volunteer, study, travel, and generally take some time to grow and develop. This webinar will provide a basis for caregivers, school counselors, and young people themselves to decide if taking a year off after high school or after a year or two of college is right for their family.

In this webinar, you will learn:

• About the different types of gap year programs most appropriate for neurodivergent students
• About the benefits and drawbacks of taking a gap year
• What research data show about students who take a gap year
• What caregivers should consider, and what counselors might advise, regarding whether a student should pursue a gap year
• About the growing trend of neurodivergent students who are already in their first or second year of college and decide they want to take a gap year

Have a question for our expert? There will be an opportunity to post questions for the presenter during the live webinar.

Meet the Expert Speaker

Carolyn K. Jeppsen is the CEO, President, and Co-Founder of BroadFutures, a nonprofit organization dedicated to advancing opportunities for neurodivergent young people through paid internships and support, while aiding employers in building inclusive workplaces.

Carolyn speaks nationally on the benefits of a diverse workforce and the value proposition of internships and work-based learning. With her extensive experience in advocating for neurodiversity in education and the workplace, Carolyn brings valuable insights to our discussion on gap year decisions for neurodivergent students.

Gap Years & Neurodivergent Students: More Resources

• Download: How to Get ADHD Accommodations in College
• Read: Is College Right for My Teen with ADHD?
• Read: The Case for (Working, Maturing) Gap Years
• eBook: Teens with ADHD, Part One

Webinar Sponsor

The sponsor of this ADDitude webinar is….

Landmark College offers summer programs to assist a wide range of students with learning differences, including rising high school juniors and seniors, recent high school graduates and students enrolled at other colleges. Students learn specific strategies to be successful in formal academic settings and grow personally and academically in an intentional and supportive academic community. www.landmark.edu

ADDitude thanks our sponsors for supporting our webinars. Sponsorship has no influence on speaker selection or webinar content.

Certificate of Attendance: For information on how to purchase the certificate of attendance option (cost $10), register for the webinar, then look for instructions in the email you’ll receive one hour after it ends. The certificate of attendance link will also be available here, on the webinar replay page, several hours after the live webinar. ADDitude does not offer CEU credits.

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We try so hard to fit in at family gatherings. We do our best, yet we end up feeling disconnected, misunderstood, and left out when what we most want is belonging and connection.

My neurodivergent kid is now a teen. Over the years, I’ve figured out a few things that have saved me during the holidays. I share them with you so that they might save you some agony as you navigate and potentially redefine your family’s holiday traditions.

How to Survive the Holidays: A Guide for Neurodivergent Families

1. Ditch the guilt.

I used to feel guilty about not being able to do the holidays “right.” But guilt didn’t help me at all, and it won’t help you. You’re doing the absolute best you can, and that’s more than enough!

I had to stop agonizing over homemade gifts and mailing out custom photo cards with personalized letters that detailed the year’s achievements. We now skip the family photos in front of our tree, and we happily share some hilarious snapshots of our kid (and us) having a good time instead.

[Get This Free Download: Your Free Holiday Survival Kit]

I used to beat myself up for not baking cookies, not having a perfectly decorated home, and not organizing every holiday activity. But I didn’t even enjoy doing many of these activities! I’ve learned that it’s OK to let go of the expectations I thought I had to meet. My kid is happy with a few select traditions, and he’s happiest when I’m not freaking out about making things perfect. Perfectionism is the thief of joy.

2. Redefine normal.

What does a “normal” holiday gathering look like, anyway? Is it perfectly cooked meals? A perfectly behaved family? Or is it a cozy night in, playing board games and watching a favorite movie?

Our holiday activities have evolved over time, and today we enjoy a low-key celebration with just our immediate family. We’ve also been known to skip traditional Christmas dinner and opt for Chinese food and a favorite movie (Elf). We may find a nearby hotel with a heated pool. Why not? We’ve created our own rituals that work for our family.

3. Communicate openly with family and friends.

While it’s never easy, things are a lot smoother when everyone is on the same page in advance. We’ve learned to be upfront about our family’s needs and limitations. We set boundaries and request relaxed expectations for manners and mealtimes. One year at a holiday gathering, I explained my goals to our host (enjoy my meal and have a pleasant conversation). I also decided to take my son’s chair away entirely. At that age he rarely sat to eat, anyway. I asked the other adults to ignore what (and how) he was eating. We had a backup plan (kiddie movie) but we didn’t need it. That was the first year he actually ate some of his dinner and participated in the conversation!

[Related Reading: Bring This Article to Your Next Family Gathering]

Long goodbyes are a thing in my extended family, but sometimes we make a run for it (and explain later) because my child desperately needs a break.

When I start to feel ‘othered’ during the holidays, I try to remember that everyone does well when they can. This also applies to my extended family members, who aren’t always as aware of neurodiversity and inclusion as I am – but they can learn!

4. Minimize sensory overload as much as possible.

While we can’t take our hammock swing or trampoline with us when we visit family, we can take noise-canceling headphones, weighted blankets, and fidgets. Being neurodivergent myself, I need to minimize noise, bright lights, and strong smells – or I feel stress on top of my stress! I also can only handle so much small talk, so I’m the first to volunteer to walk a dog or take the kids to the playground. That way, we all get fresh air, and we get to swing, jump, and climb!

5. Plan ahead but embrace flexibility.

We try to think ahead of possible tricky scenarios and have an exit plan. We check in with each other during the event and we make sure to schedule plenty of downtime later. We’ve also learned to adjust our plans based on how intense the gathering feels.

6. Practice radical self-care.

This holiday season, I urge you to prioritize self-care so you can be the best parent you can be.

For me, self-care looks like…

• …a spontaneous kitchen dance party with our whole extended family
• …a quick walk around the block
• …a podcast while cleaning up
• …or a few minutes of journaling.

If a certain activity or event is going to be too stressful, I’ve learned it is better to just say no. Self-care might also mean setting boundaries with family and friends (and not skipping my therapy appointment if I can help it).

I’ve also learned the power of taking turns with my partner. When each of us has some time to recharge, holiday trips and events go more smoothly.

7. Focus on what matters most.

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about my core values and priorities. It’s important for me to spend time with loved ones, create joyful memories, and practice gratitude. What’s not as important for me during the holidays is to check off a list of tasks. I don’t want to race around and pack my family’s days. I want to allow space for wonder. How about you – what do you value? What ‘shoulds’ will you say no to?

No matter your answers, may this holiday season go smoothly for your neurodiverse family.

Getting Through the Holidays: Next Steps

• Read: Minimize Holiday Havoc with These ADHD-Friendly Strategies
• Read: “My Christmas Meltdown – A Yearly Holiday Tradition”
• Q: “How Do We Avoid Family Drama and ADHD Ignorance This Holiday Season?”
• Watch: “Family Ties – Managing and Advocating for Your Child with ADHD in the Extended Family”

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Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

Family life brings smiles and struggles, but when persistent tantrums, resistance, or negativity dominate, they can strain relationships and household harmony. In this transformative webinar, psychologist Jeffrey Bernstein, Ph.D., shares a proven program to help caregivers reduce conflict and eliminate disruptive behaviors in children, teens, and even struggling adult children.

This webinar explores the underlying causes of oppositional defiance, offering practical tools to restore peace and connection. Moving from battles to bonding will empower you to put those fruitless power struggles behind you by turning emotional reactivity into opportunities for connection and cooperation.

Critical handouts will be included for registrants in this webinar to help caregivers learn the strategies that prevent emotionally dysregulated children from becoming defiant.

In this webinar, you will learn:

• How to foster empathy by building stronger connections with children through understanding and compassion
• How to regulate your emotions and model calm responses for your child
• About the power of emotion regulation coaching to transform resistance into collaboration
• How to navigate parenting in an era of heightened anxieties and societal challenges
• About cooperative, connection-building games to foster trust, communication, and teamwork

Watch the Video Replay

Enter your email address in the box above labeled “Video Replay + Slide Access” to watch the video replay (closed captions available) and download the slide presentation.

Defusing Defiance in Children with ADHD: More Resources

• Download: 10 Rules for Parents of Defiant Kids with ADHD
• Sign Up: The ADHD Parenting Class
• Read: The Facts About ADHD vs. ODD
• Read: Two Families’ Stories of Oppositional Defiant Disorder
• eBook: The ADHD Positive Parenting Guide

Obtain a Certificate of Attendance

If you attended the live webinar on January 16, 2025, watched the video replay, or listened to the podcast, you may purchase a certificate of attendance option (cost: $10). Note: ADDitude does not offer CEU credits. Click here to purchase the certificate of attendance option »

Meet the Expert Speaker

Dr. Jeffrey Bernstein is a psychologist with more than 34 years of experience specializing in child, adolescent, couples, and family therapy. He completed his post-doctoral internship at the University of Pennsylvania Counseling Center and holds a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology from the State University of New York at Albany. He has appeared on the Today Show, Court TV as an expert advisor, and CBS Eyewitness News Philadelphia, 10! Philadelphia — NBC and public radio.

Dr. Bernstein has authored several books, including The Anxiety, Depression, & Anger Toolbox for Teens, The Stress Survival Guide for Teens, Mindfulness for Teen Worry, 10 Days to a Less Defiant Child, 10 Days to Less Distracted Child, Liking the Child You Love, and Why Can’t You Read My Mind? He has also published the Letting Go of Anger Therapeutic Card Deck.

#CommissionsEarned As an Amazon Associate, ADDitude earns a commission from qualifying purchases made by ADDitude readers on the affiliate links we share. However, all products linked in the ADDitude Store have been independently selected by our editors and/or recommended by our readers. Prices are accurate and items in stock as of time of publication.

Webinar Sponsor

The sponsor of this ADDitude webinar is…

Brain Balance helps kids, teens and adults with ADHD, learning differences, anxiety & more through our integrative cognitive development and brain wellness program. Our approach combines cognitive, physical and sensory training with nutritional guidance to strengthen and build brain connectivity without the use of medication. Stronger connections translate to improved attention, behaviors, and social-emotional well-being. | brainbalancecenters.com/additudemag

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The lag in her social skills — not uncommon among individuals with ADHD — made for rough going during her first semester in college. She started strong in planned group activities but floundered once they ended. A bout with COVID and the stress of a rigorous course load compounded her isolation, and by the time Willa came home for winter break, she was pretty miserable.

Something had to change. I couldn’t bear to see my sweet kid so unhappy at her first-choice college, a perfect-for-her place full of like-minded kids who could be her besties.

Why Friendships Are Hard to Foster

Follow-through was the primary issue for Willa. She’d enjoy lunch with a group but lose track of where they’d head next. She’d have a great conversation with someone but fail to get their name or number. Or she’d let weeks go by without reaching out to a cool kid she’d met. She was constantly starting back at square one, which was exhausting and nerve-wracking.

What Willa needed was continuity — the opportunity to build on new connections so they could blossom into nourishing relationships in which she felt at ease. So I came up with a plan – a game I call Friendship Bingo.

[Get This Free Download: The ADHD Guide to Making Friends]

Friendship Bingo, Explained

Willa and I made a list of potential friends she had met during the first semester. Her mission for the next semester was to find various ways to connect with each of them several times over a week, from dinners and walks back from class to study sessions. The idea was that stacking multiple interactions with someone within a short span of time would make Willa feel solid enough to relax and be her charming self.

We aimed for three outside-of-class-or-club interactions per week. Two could be dining hall meals, the easiest opportunity for hanging out, but one had to be something else — anything unstructured and social. And we agreed that, over the course of several weeks, Willa would try this with different people, to give herself options in case she didn’t vibe with someone.

The “bingo card” she ended up with looked something like this:

Friend	Week 1, Meal 1	Week 1, Meal 2	Other Hangout	Bonus Hangouts
Hannah
Finn
Isobel			!	!
Tye			!	!
Summer

The chart appealed to Willa’s love of spreadsheets and data and made it easy to see and celebrate wins. It also made it clear with whom Willa was undeniably becoming real friends.

In Willa’s Words: Friendship Bingo Works

I was initially doubtful about Friendship Bingo. I was anxious about “failing” the goals and uncertain I would make progress. But I was proven wrong – it was amazing how quickly Friendship Bingo showed meaningful results.

[Read: Making Friends in College – a Buddy System]

1. Most People Say Yes

I started small, texting people and asking if they wanted to eat together. Sometimes they responded, “Sorry, I have other plans” or, “Sorry, I have homework,” and I had to work to reel my rejection-sensitive brain back from “THEY HATE ME.” But more often than not, people said yes, and that felt good! And the more meals I ate with different groups, the better I was able to determine who I enjoyed spending time with.

2. My Social Battery Doesn’t Deplete So Fast

Most importantly, Friendship Bingo helped me expand my capacity for socializing. The game encourages constant practice, which made socializing feel more natural, as I was able to spend longer periods with people without feeling tired or overstimulated.

3. Making Friends Doesn’t Feel Like a Mystery Anymore

Friendship Bingo was a stroke of genius because it hit on two things that are crucial for me: 1) specific goals, and 2) a gamified system to help me reach those goals. The game demystified friendships for me, making the process feel less like a mysterious labyrinth to navigate and more like a formula of repeated (but manageable) social encounters and effort that I could track.

The real breakthrough came a few weeks into the game, when I went to brunch with two people with whom I’d been regularly hanging out One of them mentioned visiting the woods behind the school, and I spontaneously went along! After that, we made our way into town for bubble tea, where another friend joined, and we all stopped by a comic book store before heading back to campus. It was a solid half-day of unplanned, unstructured social time, the longest I’d had since starting college. And it felt incredible.

Those three people I spent that successful day with went on to become my best friends. We eat dinner together regularly, text each other over school breaks, have a standing Dungeons & Dragons campaign, and cheer each other up when we’re stressed. It’s made a world of difference to my confidence and happiness to have these close friendships.

How to Make Friends in College: Next Steps

• Get This Free Download: Become a Small-Talk Superstar
• Read: The College Survival Guide for Students with ADHD
• Read: The Art of Forming Friendships

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Advice for Parent-Teacher Collaboration

Up to a third of children with ADHD will experience school avoidance at some point during their academic journey. A student’s school avoidance, also referred to as school refusal, can last weeks or months during an academic year. In severe cases, it can last longer. Follow this advice to facilitate collaboration and get your child back to school.

#1. Request Help Early

Call the school at the first signs of possible school avoidance. Time is of the essence. Research and real-life experiences show that earlier interventions improve outcomes.

Schools have staff dedicated to helping students with mental health challenges, learning disabilities, and family issues. Your goal is to meet with these staff members and discuss where your child is struggling and what’s going on at home. Let them know that you consider this to be serious and that early interventions are extremely important. Work with the school intervention team on strategies to help your child.

#2. Get Educated About School Avoidance

Because school avoidance is misunderstood, your school may not know the best practices and evidence-based strategies for addressing it. As a caregiver, you will need to advocate for your child and educate the school staff. Arrive at school meetings equipped with information and specific requests for help.

[Read: “Help! My Child Won’t Go to School.”]

#3. Know Your Rights

Federal and state laws require public schools to provide a free, appropriate, public education to all students. Your understanding of these laws is important because schools sometimes have difficulty interpreting and applying them to school avoidance.

#4. Establish Accommodations

Most kids who avoid school qualify for a 504 Plan or an Individualized Education Program (IEP), and benefit from accommodations and services that can reintegrate them into school. Some schools will modify workloads, homework, and attendance requirements to help your child return to school.

#5. Develop a Reintegration Plan

Collaborate on a plan to get your child back into the classroom. Your child’s therapist should be communicating with the school about how to best do this.

#6. Know When to Activate Plan B

If you feel the current school environment cannot support your child appropriately or blatantly disregards their needs, seek alternative school options. Your child deserves a caring and supportive school where they feel safe and valued.

[Get This Download: How to Teach Children with ADHD — Classroom Challenges & Solutions]

Avoid These Missteps

Common mistakes parents make while working with their child’s school include:

• Working too long with your intervention team without a defined plan for getting your child back to school
• Not requesting a 504 Plan or IEP in writing. Once you ask for an evaluation for a 504 Plan or IEP in a letter or email (get proof of receipt), the clock starts to ensure that timelines are followed according to the law
• Crafting a 504 Plan or IEP that says nothing about the steps, changes, or strategies to help your child return to school

School Avoidance Interventions: Next Steps

• Read: “Couldn’t I Just Stay Home from School Forever?”
• eBook: How to Teach (and Inspire) Students with ADHD
• Sign Up: ADHD @ School — A Free 10-Part Class for Parents

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Children with ADHD are more likely to be obese, despite lower-than-average birth weights, according to a new study that found a correlation between elevated ADHD symptoms and higher body mass index (BMI) scores for both females and males. ¹The study, published in the Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, complements additional research tying ADHD impulsivity to unhealthy food consumption and overeating.

In analyzing data from the Millennium Cohort Study (MCS) of more than 19,000 families with children born between 2000 and 2002, researchers found that children with ADHD had significantly lower birth weights than did children in the control group. Both groups maintained similar obesity rates until age 5, when the ADHD group experienced a rise in obesity that continued throughout adolescence.

“As children with ADHD are typically lighter in weight at birth than children without ADHD, the results suggest there may be a sensitive time period between the ages of 3 and 5 years during which this association reverses, and higher ADHD symptoms become associated with obesity,” the researchers wrote.

Researchers collected data when the 442 ADHD cohort members reached 9 months and 3, 5, 7, 11, 14, and 17 years. (The study excluded cohort members taking ADHD medications.) They found that weight gain began earlier for girls with ADHD (age 7) compared to boys with ADHD (age 11). “The weight changes in girls additionally seemed to be more long-lasting, whereas the observed changes in boys seemed to be transitory,” the researchers wrote. It is unclear whether these associations continue into adulthood.

Further analysis revealed that elevated ADHD symptoms in females at ages 7, 11, and 14 predicted higher body mass index (BMI) scores at ages 11, 14, and 17, respectively. The same association occurred in males at ages 11 and 14. These results suggest that ADHD symptoms are not entirely responsible for the uptick in weight children experience between the ages of 3 and 5 years.

Genetics, Prenatal Factors Impact BMI

Hormones and puberty contribute to weight gain. “Sometimes pre-teens can gain weight as the body prepares for a growth spurt in height,” says Roberto Olivardia, Ph.D., clinical psychologist at Harvard Medical School. “Therefore, BMI normalizes as they gain height.”

Prenatal factors, including the mother’s pre-pregnancy BMI, prenatal blood pressure, smoking during pregnancy, and poor nutrition, predicted a higher BMI at 5 years. Genetics may also increase the risk of obesity.

“It is possible that there is a common genetic background to both ADHD and [being] overweight or, as parents with ADHD are more likely to have children with ADHD, this may have an impact on executive function skills involved in parenting, such as planning healthy meals, which in turn may influence weight status,” the researchers wrote. “Parents with an increased genetic risk may be influencing their child’s home environment in ways that compound inherited risk.” ², ³

Impulsivity Linked to Poor Dietary Decisions

Another recent observational study found a strong link between impulsivity, a common ADHD trait, and unhealthy food consumption and overeating, specifically in the form of snacking. ⁴

The study, published in the Journal of Attention Disorders, analyzed data from the KOALA Birth Cohort Study of 810 adolescents aged 16 to 20 years. The researchers identified five dietary patterns

• Snack — high intakes of regular (non-diet) soft drinks, fruit juice/drinks, fried snacks, chips, nuts or snacks, and energy drinks
• Healthy — high intakes of lettuce, raw vegetables, fruit, eggs, and tea
• Animal-based — high intakes of animal dairy products, meat and chicken, and fish
• Sweet — high intakes of pastry, chocolate bars, candy bars, cake or biscuits, and sweets
• Beverage — high intakes of diet soft drinks, light fruit juice/drinks, sports drinks, and energy drinks

Among the five dietary patterns, adolescents with an ADHD diagnosis scored higher on the Snacking dietary pattern than did those without ADHD. Higher Snack scores were associated with difficulties with cognition, inattention, and impulsiveness. Impulsivity was inversely related to Sweet dietary patterns and positively related to Beverage dietary patterns.

Interestingly, adolescents with ADHD appeared no less likely than their neurotypical peers to engage in Healthy dietary patterns. “The lack of a reverse association between ADHD symptoms, especially impulsivity, and the healthy pattern is unexpected and raises questions,” the researchers wrote.

Though the study does not prove causality, the findings suggest that eating habits may differ based on the specific ADHD symptoms each individual experiences.

“When studying how ADHD impacts an adolescent’s diet, looking beyond a simple diagnosis and considering the specific dimensions of their ADHD symptoms, like inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity, provides a more nuanced understanding of their dietary behaviors, as these individual dimensions can differentially influence food choices and eating patterns, even among individuals with the same ADHD diagnosis,” the researchers wrote.

Both ADHD and high BMI are associated with poor health outcomes, including asthma, diabetes, and cardiovascular disorders, so it’s vital that children understand the potential consequences of their dietary decisions. ⁵,⁶

Adolescents have more independent access to food, which can also result in unhealthy choices when impulsivity collides with puberty. “Parents have less control over what teenagers eat since they are not always with them,” Olivardia says, “and this most likely plays a bigger role in weight gain.”

Preventing Childhood Obesity

Educating children about their food choices can help curb unhealthy food cravings. For example, instead of banishing carbs from your kitchen, Olivardia says, explain them in a way children can understand. “Say, ‘Simple carbs, like potato chips, taste good, but basically break down in the body as sugar. There is no nutritional value in simple carbs, and they get in the way of healthy weight, high energy, and other things that matter, like your complexion.’”

Caregivers can help children and adolescents make better dietary decisions by incorporating the following strategies:

• Set up a “food environment” that promotes healthy eating. Children with ADHD may not notice they’re hungry until they’re starving. To fend off unhealthy pantry raids, stock up on nutritious, easy-to-grab meals and snacks that require little preparation, such as peanut butter crackers, yogurt, or string cheese. Display healthy snacks and fruits in plain view in the refrigerator or pantry.
• Practice good sleep hygiene. In addition to regulating hormone levels, a good night’s sleep makes it less likely that children will turn to food for comfort in fragile moments.
• Set healthy eating rules. Create family eating rules that encourage children to eat attentively — for example, no eating while watching T.V. or eating straight out of the bag. Consider requiring children to eat only in the kitchen or dining area.
• Teach children mindful eating skills. Children are less likely to overeat when they practice mindful eating. Teach children to put down their fork in between bites. Or ask them to describe what they’re eating as though the person listening has never tasted that food.
• Set a good example. Children learn by watching others, especially their parents. Set a good example by making smart food choices, dishing appropriate portions, and not distractedly eating while engaging in another activity (like using your phone).
• Treat ADHD. Make sure children adhere to their ADHD treatment plan. ADHD stimulant medications help children better observe and regulate their behaviors and avoid impulsive eating. They also make it easier to follow through with healthy eating and exercise plans.

Sources

¹ Reed, C., Cortese, S., Golm, D., Brandt, V., et al. (2024). Longitudinal Associations Between Physical Health Conditions in Childhood and Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder Symptoms at Age 17 Years. Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jaac.2024.09.009
² Barker, E.D., Ing, A., Biondo, F., Jia, T., et al. (2021). Do ADHD-Impulsivity and BMI Have Shared Polygenic and Neural Correlates? Mol Psychiatry;26(3):1019-1028. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41380-019-0444-y
³ Faraone, S.V., Larsson, H. (2019). Genetics of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. Mol Psychiatry; 24(4):562-575. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41380-018-0070-0
⁴ Dalnoki, L., Hurks, P. P. M., Gubbels, J. S., Eussen, S. J. P. M., Mommers, M., & Thijs, C. (2024). Exploring the Relationship of Dietary Intake With Inattention, Hyperactivity, and Impulsivity, Beyond ADHD. Journal of Attention Disorders https://doi.org/10.1177/10870547241293946/a>
⁵ Arrondo, G., Solmi, M., Dragioti, E., et al. (2022).Associations Between Mental and Physical Conditions in Children and Adolescents: An Umbrella Review. Neurosci Biobehav Rev. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.neubiorev.2022.104662
⁶ Horesh, A., Tsur, A.M., Bardugo, A., et al. (2021). Adolescent and Childhood Obesity and Excess Morbidity and Mortality in Young Adulthood—a Systematic Review. Curr Obes Rep; 10, 301–310. https://doi.org/10.1007/s13679-021-00439-9

Q: Do people with ADHD experience winter depression more often and more severely than do neurotypical individuals? Also, why is my quality of sleep affected in winter?

Winter depression is marked by two or more weeks of low mood, usually starting in the Northern Hemisphere’s fall or winter when there is less daylight, that resolves in the spring or summer when there is more light. There is an association between winter depression, also known as seasonal affective disorder, or SAD, and ADHD.

In the Netherlands, where I live, researchers asked 259 patients with ADHD about seasonal mood swings; 27% reported winter depression compared with 3% in neurotypical people.¹ Other researchers have confirmed this increased rate among people with ADHD.² What’s more, females are four times more likely than males to have winter depression.¹

Sleep problems are also common among people with ADHD: About 80% are late sleepers³ , which means they have a short sleep duration — they fall asleep at a later time and sleep less because they must wake up for work or school.

Q : How does winter depression relate to screen addiction in children with ADHD?

Children with ADHD who are late sleepers and who experience winter depression may turn to video games and the Internet. Screens emit blue light, and they’re often held close to the eye, so the effects are similar to light therapy if you’re staring at them for a while.

[Get This Free Download: How to Sleep Better with ADHD]

Screen use at night can induce delayed circadian rhythms, disrupting your sleep-wake cycle.⁴ Many children with ADHD are already late sleepers, so using screens after 9:30 pm will delay their rhythm even more; this is not recommended. Keep in mind that when sleep gets delayed, mood is affected.

The good news is that winter depression and sleep problems can be easily and quickly treated with artificial light therapy. A 10,000-lux light therapy lamp can be used for 30 minutes a day for 5 to 20 consecutive days. The lamp, or light box, should be used at a close distance to your eyes; the distance is very important for the intensity of the treatment. It’s best to do this every day at the same time, preferably between 7 and 8 am, to reset your biological clock and alter the sleep-wake cycle.

You may also consider using light therapy glasses, which work in the same way as lamps. You can wear these for 30 minutes a day while you’re dressing or eating breakfast; in other words, without disrupting your routine.

Light therapy is a serious antidepressant that often unlocks better mood, improved sleep, and more energy.

[Read: How to Fall Asleep with a Rowdy, Racing ADHD Brain]

Q:  Is vitamin D recommended for people with winter depression?

If your vitamin D is too low, then taking vitamin D is recommended. Vitamin D is generally low in people with ADHD, though we don’t know why.⁵ You get vitamin D from sunlight; in winter, when there is less light, you may need to take a supplement. Another way we can get vitamin D is by eating fatty fish, though many people don’t eat enough to affect levels.

Winter Depression: Next Steps

• Self-Test: Could You Have Delayed Sleep Phase Disorder?
• Read: 9 Sleep Deprivation Solutions for Adults with ADHD
• Read: 6 Tips to Overcoming Winter Depression
  

J.J. Sandra Kooij, M.D., Ph.D., is a psychiatrist and head of the Expertise Center Adult ADHD at PsyQ in the Netherlands.

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Sources

¹Amons, P. J., Kooij, J. J., Haffmans, P. M., Hoffman, T. O., & Hoencamp, E. (2006). Seasonality of mood disorders in adults with lifetime attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). Journal of affective disorders, 91(2-3), 251–255. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jad.2005.11.017

²Wynchank, D. S., Bijlenga, D., Lamers, F., Bron, T. I., Winthorst, W. H., Vogel, S. W., Penninx, B. W., Beekman, A. T., & Kooij, J. S. (2016). ADHD, circadian rhythms and seasonality. Journal of psychiatric research, 81, 87–94. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jpsychires.2016.06.018

³Van Veen, M. M., Kooij, J. J., Boonstra, A. M., Gordijn, M. C., & Van Someren, E. J. (2010). Delayed circadian rhythm in adults with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder and chronic sleep-onset insomnia. Biological psychiatry, 67(11), 1091–1096. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.biopsych.2009.12.032

⁴Hartstein, L. E., Mathew, G. M., Reichenberger, D. A., Rodriguez, I., Allen, N., Chang, A. M., Chaput, J. P., Christakis, D. A., Garrison, M., Gooley, J. J., Koos, J. A., Van Den Bulck, J., Woods, H., Zeitzer, J. M., Dzierzewski, J. M., & Hale, L. (2024). The impact of screen use on sleep health across the lifespan: A National Sleep Foundation consensus statement. Sleep health, 10(4), 373–384. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.sleh.2024.05.001

⁵Khoshbakht, Y., Bidaki, R., & Salehi-abargouei, A. (2018). Vitamin D Status and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder: A Systematic Review and Meta-Analysis of Observational Studies.. Advances in nutrition, 9 1, 9-20 . https://doi.org/10.1093/advances/nmx002.

It’s a question I throw at the end of coaching sessions with my clients. I stole the question from the Coursera version of Yale’s most popular class ever, “The Science of Well-Being,” led by Laurie Santos, Ph.D. In this course, you’re tasked with writing down the things for which you’re grateful every day for a week.

Why Is Gratitude Important

The idea is two-fold. One, it breaks you out of negativity traps by training you to focus on and acknowledge the real good in your life, which helps you develop a positive outlook. Two, if you recall the things you’re grateful for in detail, your brain thinks it’s experiencing them again — so you’ll have multitudes of goodness in you.

[Read: ADHD and the Power of Positive Thinking]

Gratitude is an essential practice for those of us with ADHD, as we often harbor a nagging assumption that we’re less than. The extended logic is that because we are less than, we must have crappy lives – a self-defeating cycle that doesn’t make our lives any easier.

But we’re not less than. Our lives are full of beauty that we often don’t acknowledge. Noting the good around us and within us is a type of reality check that sparks awareness, acceptance, balance, and happiness.

If you’re looking for ways to practice gratitude in your life, try this fun exercise with friends and family. Propose that everyone join in on this gratitude game at your next gathering.

How to Practice Gratitude: A Group Gratitude Exercise

1. Gather a group of people together — around the Thanksgiving table, in the living room, at the beach, in the car during a long drive. Whatever works.

[Read: For to Log Daily Victories for Your Family]

2. Take turns answering the following questions.

• What’s one thing you’re grateful for in your life? (This could be your whole life or just this past week.)
• What are you grateful for about each person in this group?
• What are you grateful for about yourself?
• What are you grateful for about the natural world?
• What was your favorite answer that each person gave?

Each person should take the time they need to formulate an answer and should wait for others to formulate theirs. Go where your heart leads and have fun with it. Be chill. (I view this exercise as a game, though this is very different from the cutthroat card tournaments I played with my extended family growing up, where being chill was never an asset.) Beyond this one-time activity, make gratitude a daily practice in your life. Challenge yourself, in particular, to reflect on the positive aspects of your neurodivergence.

How to Practice Gratitude: Next Steps

• Free Download: Bonding Activity Ideas for ADHD Families
• Read: The Key to ADHD Emotional Regulation? Cultivating Gratitude, Pride & Compassion
• Read: “The ADHD Characteristics I’m Most Thankful for Are…”

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“He would tell me I was the best thing that ever happened to him. Then he started telling me I needed to lose weight and that my clothes were too revealing. He said my parents were abusive and didn’t care about me; that he was the only one who truly cared about me.”

“She told me that no one would believe me if I told them she was abusive. She said girls can’t be abusive and that she was just reacting to me being abusive.”

“The more my parents stopped me from seeing him, the more ways I found to see him. It almost became like a challenge. He encouraged me to defy them.”

These are glimpses into toxic relationships, as told to me by a few of my teen clients with ADHD. And their stories are not uncommon. Teens with ADHD may become easy targets for perpetrators of emotional abuse and manipulation due to their lagging maturity, difficulty with friendships, low self-esteem, and other factors.

Toxic relationships are stealthy. They begin with a love-bombing phase, during which a person is lavished with gifts, attention, and ego-boosting compliments. This phase is especially intoxicating and powerful for people with ADHD who finally feel a sense of acceptance. Then the devaluing phase begins; their love interest tells them all the reasons they’re not good enough. Your child might hear, “If you were a little bit taller, that would make you more attractive to me.” Or “Why can’t you just be a good partner?”

[Read: What Are the Signs of a Controlling Relationship?]

Signs of a Toxic Relationship

Maybe your kid comes home and is excited because they met somebody. Then, six months later, you start noticing that their sparkle has faded; their personality seems blunted. They don’t seem as close to family members, and they’re not hanging out with their friends as much. This is by design; the perpetrator’s goal is to isolate and gain ultimate power and control over your child.

You might say to your child: “I really love you. It seems like things have changed. You don’t seem as happy. I wonder if you’ve noticed that, too. Let’s talk about this.”

Keep in mind that your child has already gotten the message from their partner that they should not listen to you. This is why it’s important to be non-judgmental. If you say something bad about their partner, your child will defend them to the hilt.

Just having a dialogue with your child, without pointing out how unhealthy their partner is, can be really helpful. And keep communication open.

How to Move on from a Toxic Relationship

Tell your child not to initiate or respond to any communication from the perpetrator. Cutting off contact with them is the most effective solution. They should block the perpetrator on social media to prevent a return to the cycle of pathology. You should monitor your teen’s devices and know who they’re talking to. Find out from your Internet provider about features to help you protect your child.

[Read: The Rules of Dating (and Breaking Up) with ADHD]

When someone leaves this type of relationship, it can be almost like experiencing a drug withdrawal; it’s much more intense than a typical breakup. Parents in this situation need to keep a close eye on their kids and watch for signs of self-harm. Make sure your teen continues taking their ADHD medicine and going to therapy. Check in with them, not just right after the breakup, but over time.

The more time your teen spends away from this unhealthy person, the more likely they will enter and maintain healthy relationships in the future.

Signs of a Toxic Relationship: Next Steps

• Self-Test: Is Your Relationship Toxic?
• Read: Why Do Toxic Relationships Swallow People with ADHD?
• Watch: Toxic Relationship Red Flags and Interventions for Teens with ADHD

Stephanie Moulton Sarkis, Ph.D., is the author of Healing from Toxic Relationships — 10 Essential Steps to Recover from Gaslighting, Narcissism, and Emotional Abuse (#CommissionsEarned)

SUPPORT ADDITUDE
Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

#CommissionsEarned As an Amazon Associate, ADDitude earns a commission from qualifying purchases made by ADDitude readers on the affiliate links we share. However, all products linked in the ADDitude Store have been independently selected by our editors and/or recommended by our readers. Prices are accurate and items in stock as of time of publication.

If you’re a mom who has it all figured out, with a clean and tidy house, and clean and tidy children who do their homework on time with no prodding, and you prepare elegant meals that Martha Stewart would envy, after a full day of work, congratulations. This webinar is not for you.

If you’re a mom with ADHD, and you feel overwhelmed by the daily chaos of getting kids off to school, managing piles of clutter, planning meals, and juggling household chores with after-school activities, doctor appointments, and more — regardless of whether you work outside the home — then you won’t want to miss this event. ADHD expert, psychotherapist, and author Terry Matlen, LMSW, will provide working and stay-at-home moms with practical tools and strategies to improve their day-to-day life.

• About the societal expectations that push women to demonstrate good executive functioning and the emotional impact on mothers with ADHD
• How to battle disorganization, procrastination, sensory overload, and more
• How to change and reframe internal and external expectations
• How to problem-solve as a family
• How to better manage your time and help your children improve their own time management
• About the importance of self-care

Watch the Video Replay

Enter your email address in the box above labeled “Video Replay + Slide Access” to watch the video replay (closed captions available) and download the slide presentation.

Motherhood & ADHD: More Resources

• Download: Parenting Guide for Caregivers with ADHD
• Read: 13 Survival Strategies for Moms with ADHD
• Read: “Today, We Will Give Ourselves Grace.”
• eBook: Women with ADHD — How Hormones, Symptoms & Late Diagnoses Impact Females

Obtain a Certificate of Attendance

If you attended the live webinar on December 17, 2024, watched the video replay, or listened to the podcast, you may purchase a certificate of attendance option (cost: $10). Note: ADDitude does not offer CEU credits. Click here to purchase the certificate of attendance option »

Meet the Expert Speaker

Terry Matlen, LMSW, is a psychotherapist, consultant and author of the award-winning book, The Queen of Distraction and Survival Tips for Women with AD/HD. (#CommissionsEarned) She runs www.ADDconsults.com, an online resource serving women with ADHD, and www.PowerfulWomenWithADHD.com, an online community for women with ADHD looking for connection and skill building.

With over 25 years of experience helping women with ADHD, Terry has written hundreds of articles for various publications. She served for many years on the board of directors of ADDA and is immediate past coordinator of the E. Oakland County Chapter in Michigan. Terry can be reached at terry@ADDconsults.com.

#CommissionsEarned As an Amazon Associate, ADDitude earns a commission from qualifying purchases made by ADDitude readers on the affiliate links we share. However, all products linked in the ADDitude Store have been independently selected by our editors and/or recommended by our readers. Prices are accurate and items in stock as of time of publication.

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