Q: “My ADHD Friend Overshares. A Lot. How Do I Bring It Up to Them?”
“It’s important to not make your friend — or anyone, for that matter — feel like oversharing is a dealbreaker. That would be unfair, and whether it’s oversharing or another challenge, no one is perfect.”
Q: “My friend has ADHD. She is prone to dominating conversations by oversharing. How can I give her feedback in a supportive way to help advance our friendship, while being mindful of her rejection sensitivity and social struggles?”
I admire your desire to approach this topic with kindness. First thing’s first: Any conversation about your friend should take place in person, not over text, to avoid things getting lost in translation and worsening her rejection sensitivity.
When you do broach the subject, continue to lead with kindness. Say, “Hey, I’ve been trying to educate myself about neurodiversity, and I recently learned about oversharing.” This may open the floor for your friend to talk about her own relationship to oversharing and whether she feels she struggles with it. If she does talk about it, you can follow up with, “What can we do together to figure this out? What would help you?” A collaborative approach will help your friend feel supported, not judged.
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It’s important to not make your friend — or anyone, for that matter — feel like oversharing is a dealbreaker. That would be unfair, and whether it’s oversharing or another challenge, no one is perfect. Everyone has something or is working on something. There is no benefit to making anyone feel bad about their ‘somethings.’
Beyond oversharing, consider your friend’s strengths and what makes them friendship material — their good nature, supportiveness, honesty, non-judgmental attitude, reciprocity, and other qualities. Take a look at your friend as a whole, and you may find that oversharing isn’t really a big deal at all.
ADHD Oversharing: Next Steps
- Read: “Oversharing Is My Default Mode. So Is the RSD-Induced Shame I Feel Afterward.”
- Read: “The Gift of a Friend Who Requires No Explanations, No Excuses”
- Read: “All My Friends Are Neurodivergent — and Wonderful”
The content for this article was derived from the ADDitude ADHD Experts webinar titled, “Oversharing and Underinvesting: The Social Traps That Snare ADHD Adults” [Video Replay & Podcast #496] with Caroline Maguire, M.Ed., ACCG, PCC, which was broadcast on March 14, 2024.
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