Clutter

How to Keep a Clean House When Everyone Has ADHD

Say to kids, “If you decide where something lives and you always put it back there, you will always know where to find it. That’s the reason that we’re organized.”

By Tracy McCubbin Verified Updated on January 9, 2025
Click to Add Comments

Q: “My husband and I have ADHD, as do our two kids. For the life of us, we cannot have a house that isn’t messy and disorganized. Every room is a disaster area, from the kids’ rooms to the living spaces. We struggle to remember to put things back to stay organized. Besides, I can’t even begin to organize everything because it’s too much. When I do manage to clean up, the house becomes a big mess again just a week later. Help!”

Keeping a clean house with ADHD — especially when all household members have it — is an exercise in teamwork. It requires planning, communication, routines, and lots of patience.

Focus on the Why

Especially with kids, talk often about how striving for organization and less clutter helps them and the family. Say:

  • When we do the dishes and put them away, it means that we have clean dishes for our next meal.
  • When we put our laundry in the hamper, our clothes get washed, so we have clean clothes to wear.

Bring up frustrating moments they’ve experienced due to disorganization and how a system could help them. Say, “Remember how anxious you felt that one morning when you couldn’t find your backpack? If you put your backpack away in the same place, you can find it every time.” Consider using visual reminders.

Other helpful scripts for all family members:

  • “If you decide where something lives and you always put it back there, you will always know where to find it. That’s the reason that we’re organized.”
  • “Don’t put it down, put it away. If you put something down, you’ll only have to deal with it later.”
  • “Take the extra 10 seconds to put it away. Then it’s over with.”
  • “This household is a community. We all live in it together.”

[Get This Free Download: How to Tidy Up Your Home Like a Pro]

Declutter Before You Organize

“Declutter” and “organize” are not synonymous; the latter means putting your things in places so you can find them when you need them. Organizing before decluttering often leads to headaches, as you’re trying to find spots for things that you don’t use.

Having less stuff is the key to being organized. If your home quickly becomes messy again after organizing, it’s a telltale sign that you have too much stuff and need to prioritize decluttering.

Avoid the “Right Vs. Wrong” Vortex

There is no “right” way to keep an organized home. But your family can agree to goals for common spaces and commit to systems that work for everyone, even if unconventional. One client of mine kept sunscreen in the kitchen; the only time her kids sat still enough to apply it was when they were eating. Brilliant! Rather than force her to store sunscreen in the “right” place, we made a sunscreen station for her in the kitchen.

Set up a routine that the family can do together, like a two-hour tidying session every Sunday after lunch. A practice, even if imperfect, can control mess before it explodes.

[Read: How to Win the War on Clutter]

Everyone Needs Space to Be Messy

Not everyone has the same standards for organization and tidiness. As much as possible, allow family members to maintain their personal spaces as they see fit. Trying to control every inch of your home can lead to conflicts, so it’s best to let go. Take it from me, a professional organizer with a messy husband: I stay away from his home office because it’s his space, and our marriage benefits from that.

Bring In Help If You Can

If you find yourself feeling exhausted, resentful, and hopeless about the state of your home, consider hiring a professional organizer who understands neurodivergence. They can demystify decluttering and organization, reduce your stress, and create efficient systems tailored to your needs.

How to Keep a Clean House with ADHD: Next Steps

The content for this article was derived from the ADDitude ADHD Experts webinar titled, “How to Organize a Messy Home: Strategies for Clutter and Stress in ADHD Families” [Video Replay & Podcast #520] with Tracy McCubbin, which was broadcast on September 10, 2024.